It’s just me, my partner, and the baby. No one to help. I didn’t get to recover from the birth. My partner went to the gym today saying he needs to take care of himself. We haven’t slept much since the baby arrived, but I’m the one awake doing everything for the baby and letting my partner sleep. He’s even making fun of my body because I have water retention after giving birth, and making comments like how I will have to stay home all day, saying this is my life now.
I don’t mind him going to the gym, but why the rush? I feel scared being alone with the baby. What if something happens? Who will help me? I’m barely getting 2 hours of sleep; when he left, I couldn’t sleep, and the baby needed to be changed and fed.
I don’t know if I’m being dramatic, but we have a home gym too. I’m hurting inside and out. My back is killing me from breastfeeding the baby, I’m experiencing sleep paralysis, and I’m extremely weak. I don’t know what to do.
@Harley
Totally not okay. Making fun of your body? Never! And especially not after you just gave birth to his child. I actually feel emotional for you, OP!
Shiloh said: @Harley
Totally not okay. Making fun of your body? Never! And especially not after you just gave birth to his child. I actually feel emotional for you, OP!
It’s just unacceptable to make fun of your body right now. You’re at a vulnerable point post-birth. He should apologize, otherwise there’s going to be some serious issues here. You really need his support!
He’s being selfish. I stopped going to the gym for the first 3 months after my baby was born. It can wait. Mom needs all the help she can get during this time.
Amani said:
He’s being selfish. I stopped going to the gym for the first 3 months after my baby was born. It can wait. Mom needs all the help she can get during this time.
Absolutely! If he has time to go to the gym, he can definitely spare some time to let you take a nap while he watches the baby. Getting less than 3 hours of broken sleep per day can really put you at risk for Postpartum Psychosis. Besides, it’s detrimental to your recovery. While both parents need self-care during this period, the priority should be supporting your recovery first.
Amani said:
He’s being selfish. I stopped going to the gym for the first 3 months after my baby was born. It can wait. Mom needs all the help she can get during this time.
My partner still works out but does it at home. He says, ‘I’m not going to the gym if you can’t come too.’
@Ari
He sounds like a great partner! I’m glad you have his support. I recently set up a home gym in my garage since baby number 2 will be here soon. I don’t even plan on working out for 6 weeks since I doubt I’ll have the energy with all the sleep deprivation.
He should be doing basically everything at this point since you are just days postpartum. If you’re nursing, that’s your main job. He doesn’t get to go to the gym or sleep in.
He should be getting up at night, feeding you and the baby, and doing whatever else you need. I’m so upset for you.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this from your partner just six days postpartum. My doctor told me that only light walking is okay this early. Your body is going through so much and needs to rest to heal properly. It’s generally at the 6-week postpartum appointment that you get the green light to start working out again. I had an easy delivery and still took it slowly even after 2 weeks.
Luca said:
Is he even mature? He shouldn’t be going anywhere during those six weeks. He needs to be there for you and the baby. Do you have family nearby?
The funny thing is he took 2 months off to be with me and the baby! He is 35. My parents are in another country, but his live close and help us when they can.
@Ira
Call his parents and tell them you need support because he’s more focused on the gym than on being at home. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. If you don’t speak up, no one will know what you need. Call your husband out on his behavior and don’t hold back. This is unacceptable; he’s being incredibly selfish.
@Ira
Though he’s acting badly, I hope you can have a conversation to work through this.
Try to communicate that, while this is stressful for him too, you’ve been through a major event, you’re in pain, feeling overwhelmed, and need more support right now. His need for ‘me time’, while valid, should come a little later while you tackle the next months together. If he refuses to listen to that, you have a more significant issue, but right now you’re both dealing with high stress and intense emotions; he might not fully realize how he’s acting.
Is this real? If so, I’m sorry about what you’re experiencing and about your partnership. You need a true partner during this tough time; someone who understands and will help you. A well-supported mom can care for her baby much better. You literally just went through labor six days ago—it’s natural to have water retention.
I’m so sorry. You have a selfish partner. You are NOT being overly dramatic! You need to tell your partner that this behavior is unacceptable.
1st, if he ever brings up your body or weight negatively again, he needs to face consequences.
2nd, he helped create this baby; he should help care for it. You manage the feedings, he can handle the dirty diapers, END OF STORY.
3rd, he should not leave the house until you’re okay with it; you are only 6 days postpartum. He should be bringing you food and drinks, helping you to the bathroom, and he needs to take care of you. You just had his child. Can you reach out to your mom, sister, or best friend for help? I wonder if you’ll get much support from him. Before having another child, you should seriously rethink your situation; he seems very selfish, saying he needs to ‘take care of himself.’ I feel so bad for you right now.
As someone who didn’t prioritize healing, please take time for yourself. I’m six months postpartum and now facing issues because I didn’t take proper time to heal.
You have a selfish partner. You are NOT being overly dramatic! You need to tell your partner that this behavior is unacceptable.
I feel so bad for you right now.