Lin said:
Wtf…how does a 9-week-old know to self-soothe? Some kids don’t know how to sleep even by 18 months!
I thought she said 9 months—when I saw your comment and reread that the baby is 9 weeks, my jaw dropped. Why didn’t her friend ask anyone other than a single mom with a baby this young for a favor? 
Exactly what you said—self-soothe at 9 weeks?! Crazy.
You are absolutely NOT a bad parent! I feel awful that you would even think that; based on your genuine concern, you’re actually an amazing parent!
As others have said, nothing bad happened! I promise you, your baby will have many fussy times in the future; they are just babies—this is what they do!
As for your mom, I’m sure she didn’t call because she thought nothing bad was happening. Your baby was safe, and she probably didn’t want to bother you since you were only gone for a short time. Next time, explain to her that you use white noise because it calms your baby—that’s your choice as a parent, and she should follow your wishes. But I encourage you to keep asking your mom for help. Parenting is incredible but can be isolating, so you really need all the help and support you can get!
You’re doing amazing!!!
@Val
I second that. My baby is just under 12 weeks, and he’s been fussy and screaming during nap times because of development leaps according to the Wonder Weeks app. He’s overtired sometimes, but it happens! Good days happen, and I keep reminding myself he’s a baby doing baby things.
Kids just can’t self-regulate yet. It’s okay; life happens. You’re fine. Baby is fine.
This might happen again; you can’t control every factor life throws at you. Maybe take him along next time and find that option has its downsides. Or ask someone to call a cab next time. Your instincts are spot on; you’re definitely not a bad mom.
Honey, you’re going to make mistakes and have bumps along the way, but this isn’t one of them. You had to do something and he responded to your mom’s unfamiliarity with him. Overtired babies can be quite upset. Your mama came home and snuggled him; you fixed the problem and fed him for comfort. You’re doing everything right. I accidentally bumped my newborns head onto the doorframe when I brought her home; that was a real oopsie. Parenting is about learning, making mistakes, and forgiving yourself while striving to do better. Hang in there; millions of moms would hug you for this.
Oh my. If I could hug you through this phone, I would.
I’m a Newborn Care Specialist, have over 20 years of nannying, run a business teaching parenting courses, and have a Master’s in Childhood Studies. I’m not trying to impress you, but I want you to know that I’m well-versed in this area. When I say the next part, I hope it reaches that terrible mom guilt and reassures you.
So take a breath, remember that nothing that happened was detrimental, and feel free to set firm boundaries with your mom. A 9-week-old baby does not need to learn to sleep without white noise—use it until they stop napping at around 4 years, or longer if they wish.
I have free affirmations for new parents that I can send you, but I don’t want you to think I’m trying to sell you something. Message me if you’d like them, and I’ll send a direct link.
Oh gosh don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re not a terrible mother at all. Just one afternoon that didn’t go as planned doesn’t make you a bad parent. A bad mom wouldn’t worry about being a bad mom. You’re good. 
You are NOT a terrible mother! Babies just be babying sometimes.
I can absolutely relate to the feeling of not trusting or having no support! Please, if you don’t mind me saying, you seem to be suffering from some anxiety that might not be sustainable…if it continues or worsens, please see a doctor. I speak from experience, and your self-critical thoughts are very familiar to me.
With that said, you’re likely very overtired and need to rest to reset. Trust your mom to take over for a bit so you can recharge, then maybe talk to her about how you’re feeling. Your son will be okay; I promise. 
It’s alright; goodness. You need to be gentler on yourself—I say that with kindness. Also, he’s a baby and won’t remember this.
I totally get where your headspace is right now. My husband often reminds me, ‘he’s allowed to cry,’ about 20 times a day for our 9-month-old.
As someone who has had similar situations with her mom, it’s time for a hard conversation for clear communication between you and your mom. If she is part of your support system, she needs to know where you stand and why.
I am a worrisome FTM, and when I would leave my baby with my mom, I worried she wouldn’t follow everything I told her. Do I trust her to take care of my baby? Yes, but our parenting styles are very different. She has an ‘old school’ approach, with no monitors or sleep sacks, so when I mention things my LO likes, she responds with, ‘Okay, no worries’ but doesn’t implement them. It was a problem. I broke down and told her I felt she didn’t respect my choices, which helped. She apologized for making me feel that way. I needed help, but worrying took a toll.
Talk to your mom to help her understand your preferences; it takes time, but eventually, she’ll see how much better everything goes with your practices in place. Now my mom uses the sound machine!
I know how you feel; I had a similar experience a few weeks ago, and I cried a lot. These things happen; we can’t stop living and doing things. Even if your mom had texted you, there was likely nothing you could have done; you would have just worried more. You are a great mom; if you weren’t, you wouldn’t care so much!
You’re a great mom 
. Even when you need a break, it’s okay to set your baby down somewhere safe and let them cry for a bit. Your son will love you so much because you love him just as much.
Your baby won’t remember, and even so, he would forgive you.
You are not a terrible mother. You clearly care SO MUCH, as evidenced from this post.
Babies cry—some more than others. If your baby can spend most of his life enjoying his days without crying or screaming, he is lucky.
Your baby is lucky to have a mom like you.
So from one single mom to another, you are doing great, and your baby is fine! Babies cry; it’s their job. Losing an hour or two of sleep won’t hurt him long-term. You’ll remember this forever, but he won’t—he knows you are there for him and that he can depend on you.
However, it seems like you’re a giver, which is beautiful. But being a single mom needs support, so people should step up. They can take taxis or public transport from the airport, bring you food, or help around the house while you rest. Personally, I had a hard time accepting help, but it’s the only way being a single parent works.
Regarding your mom, you set a boundary: clear expectations for how you wanted her to care for your child, and she didn’t respect that. Tell her how this made you feel, and if there’s a next time, set a clear boundary again. Personally, my mom couldn’t abide by my boundaries, and as my daughter got older, it became clear how bad things had become without me realizing. I wish I had limited my daughter’s exposure to her sooner. I had hoped it would work out for both of them. I hope your mom can step up, but you must avoid feeling this way when she “helps” with your child.
“If I am a terrible mother, please let me know so I can do everything to be better.”
This alone proves you are a good mom.
As a single mom of two, I know that sometimes things need doing or one of them has to cry. But I show them love and care, knowing I can only do my best. Same for you!
You are an excellent mother for caring so much! Your baby is lucky to have such a loving mom.
Sadly, we can’t protect them from everything. I wish we could shelter our little ones from everything, but we can’t, and it doesn’t help them much.
What you did to settle your LO was perfect. You should have a serious talk with your mother about respecting your wishes regarding your baby. It’s your decision, not hers. You are doing everything correctly. He will grow up to be caring and thoughtful because he has such a fantastic mom.
Please forgive yourself and give yourself credit for all the things you do right.
You’re doing fine. Your baby will never remember—the last thing you need to do is breathe and give yourself grace to not be perfect. (Because you can never get it right all the time.)
I may differ from other commenters about your mom; it’s not the end of the world if your child has different experiences. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t remind her of your preferences, but accept you can’t always control everything. Building in a little flexibility can be healthy.
I struggled with this too. I felt like I was the only person who could soothe our baby. My husband tried but couldn’t, and my mom got frustrated as well. After a couple of times with my mom, I found she would text to say he needed me after 2 hours. I realized she wanted a happy baby but didn’t want to put in the work (feeding, bathing, soothing). He would usually cry because he was tired.
It sucked because I felt like the support wasn’t there, but as he gets older, it’s become easier to leave him for a few hours.