I’m almost 6 months PP, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know if it’s just the exhaustion or if I’m finally experiencing some form of PPD/PPR.
I have been surprisingly patient and steady throughout postpartum and the newborn and infant phases so far, but I’m starting to crack. We have been co-sleeping since two weeks out of desperation, and it works for us in many ways. BUT my son still wakes up 2-3 times a night demanding food for sleep (we are going to cave and sleep train very soon, which I am wholly emotionally ill-equipped for).
I am also still pumping so I lose so much sleep at night. I change him, bottle feed him, put him back to sleep, then pump for up to 30-45 mins because it’s the only way I can get enough milk. He has started waking up SCREAMING while I am pumping and it’s so hard. I was so angry last night every time he woke up that by the last time I yelled at him to shut up. I feel so ashamed and so much guilt, and at the same time it was out of sheer desperation. My husband and I trade off, and I had him take tonight (I do 5 out of 7 nights but typically get my husband on the 2nd wake-up if it’s past 1am). I think now he was waking up with gas pain, but I was just too tired to frame his cry as a need…
I’ve had the occasion really bad day in the last 6 months, but I’m having such a hard time shaking this. I’ve been so quick to anger too. I threw something across the room today (not in the room with anyone else), which isn’t like me. I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled already to check hormones, vitamin D, etc.
I guess I am wondering, when did you start experiencing PPD/PPR? Did it at all coincide with a change to your supply/breastfeeding/getting your period back? Was there a moment you knew it wasn’t just a bad day? Did you end up taking meds or get out of it once the baby hit some milestone like sleeping through the night?