Sorry for the lengthy read; I’m not sure if I simply need to rant and seek advise or what. But I’m at my wits’ end right now.
So, from the start of my pregnancy, my partner and I chose to only tell his parents and my father when I gave birth, and we asked those three individuals not to spread that information, which we will do. Might I add that my partner is deployed out of the country and has yet to meet his son, and will not for another two weeks. We also informed everyone at the start of the pregnancy not to ask when they could come by; we’ll decide when he’ll be home, which will most likely be at least a week.
I’ve always had a close relationship with his family, and they’ve been quite supportive throughout this process. I’m now residing with them because my boyfriend is stationed somewhere, and we’ll be moving soon after he returns home.
I gave birth at 34 weeks and 4 days, so my baby had to stay in the NICU for a week. Yesterday, I finally brought him home, and he’s now 8 days old. My partner’s parents told everyone on his side of the family the day I gave birth, so while I was recovering (thankfully, it was quick and easy), my phone was constantly buzzing with messages. I managed to get over that, but then they informed everyone that the baby was in the NICU and later that he was coming home. Now, everyone is asking when they can visit.
Yesterday, my partner’s parents brought it up, and I told them we plan to hold off on visitors until my partner returns in two weeks. I want to spend time with my baby outside the NICU, which I don’t think is unreasonable. I also mentioned that I would inform the family to avoid any backlash since they already told everyone he’s home. They walked away without saying anything, so I thought that was settled. However, a few hours later, my partner sent me screenshots of texts from his parents, saying we are being unreasonable and unfair to the rest of the family. They don’t think it’s right that they have to tell people they can’t visit when asked for updates.
Why would anyone need daily updates? He’s a baby, he eats, pees, poos, sleeps, and breathes, that’s it. They also complained that I’ve been in the room with the baby most of the day, and they haven’t been able to see “their baby” (which really annoys me). I gave them hospital bracelets to visit him anytime in the NICU, which they did. I explained that I was upstairs because he was sleeping and feeding, but they were welcome to come up and be with him or take him into the loft. I just didn’t want to leave him alone for too long. I was coming down at least every hour to talk, eat, and play with the dogs.
Since bringing my baby home, I’ve been constantly questioned about everything I do or say regarding his care. For example, I mentioned that we shouldn’t put anything in the bassinet due to SIDS risk, that he needs to eat every 3 hours even if I have to wake him, that he shouldn’t be in his car seat for extended periods, and that we shouldn’t add extra cushions to his car seat that didn’t come with it. Despite this, they insist that I’m wrong, that the doctors don’t know what they’re talking about, and that I should follow their way, the way they and their parents did it.
I kind of lost it and told my partner that what’s truly unreasonable and unkind is them not respecting our rules and thinking they have any say in what happens with our baby. Thankfully, he agreed and was on the same page. He sent a text back saying we would handle informing everyone that they have to wait (which we did, and everyone seemed fine with it) and that his parents need to back off and stop making this about them.
Needless to say, they weren’t happy. They mentioned the money they’ve spent on us and accused us of being ungrateful. They haven’t spoken to either of us all day. When I brought the baby downstairs to make his bottle, I offered them to hold him. His father held him for about 2 minutes before handing him off and going to his room without saying anything. His mother held him for 30 minutes, then they both left the house without a word.
I simply don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried everything, from talking to them to not talking to them. I’m really at a loss, and I believe they believe that since they are hosting us (which I have thanked them for and haven’t complained about up to this point), they have the right to make all decisions. Also, the fact that they’ve brought money into the discourse makes me feel even more uncomfortable.