This is SO hard

Sleep
1

My baby is just under 4 weeks old, and this is so, so difficult. As a first-time mom, I didn’t realize it would be this hard. My little guy refuses daytime naps, and I’m pretty sure he overeats, but I don’t know what to do about it. He gets overstimulated very easily, making naps even harder, and will tantrum himself awake several times before finally giving in. I work really hard to get a couple of naps in during the day (long bouts of bouncing, rocking, shushing, white noise, pacifier, dark rooms, baby wearing), but he needs a LOT of help to fall asleep, and then the naps only last 30 minutes. Then he’s up and angry because he’s still so tired, yawning between fussing.

I’m aware of age-appropriate wake windows and sleepy cues, but he fights sleep like it’s his life mission. If I’m lucky, I’ll get a couple (2 or 3) short naps in the day, and then sometime in the late afternoon or evening, he’ll crash and sleep through anything for hours if I let him (he’ll still briefly wake for food). Naturally, this doesn’t align with bedtime and seems unnatural for a newborn. If I didn’t work hard for those naps, he wouldn’t sleep on his own between 7 am and 4 pm. Is this normal? Will he ever get better at naps and be happier? He’s just cranky all the time.

Just a note, I don’t think it’s colic—it’s not that level of fussing, nor do I think it’s gas. I think he’s genuinely just chronically overtired.

Also, he has a perfect built-in timer for 2 hours and RAGES for food. Every two hours without fail. Minimum 3 oz, sometimes 4. That adds up to a huge amount of food intake, and I’m worried about overfeeding. He rarely spits up, but he’s gaining weight so quickly. He was 9 lb 2 oz at birth but has clearly chunked up significantly already.

I’m so sleep-deprived and just sad in general. I constantly feel inadequate because he’s always so upset, and my efforts seem in vain. I want to enjoy motherhood and cherish this time while he’s small, but I often find myself wishing for a future where I can sleep and he’s easier to soothe. I want us to have fun together, but this is nowhere near that.

Just needed to vent. I would appreciate anyone’s words of encouragement.

2

I think it’s more common than people realize! My little one was similar, though she did have colic. It didn’t matter how many sleepy cues she showed; she flat out refused to sleep. It was so, so rough. There were days she’d scream for 8+ hours straight and refuse to sleep.

It will get better, though! I didn’t believe it would when I was in the thick of it, but it did. My baby is now 4.5 months old and so much better. I felt just like you and wasn’t enjoying being a parent when my baby was as little as yours. I kept asking my husband if we could take her back or if it was too late to change my mind. You’re right in the spot where baby blues are still heavy, and your hormones are a mess along with the sleep deprivation. I know it’s hard, but I promise you’ll get through it soon enough. You’ve got this, mama!

3

When would you say it got better?

4

By the third month, I had begun to notice improvements. Things are still not perfect, but she is such a happy little baby, and her grin melts my heart. She still prefers to nap throughout the day, but I can manage a few 30-45 minute naps a day with little fussing.

5

My baby was born with a congenital heart defect. He couldn’t gain weight at birth, and his breathing was labored, it was so painful to hear. By 2 months, he was in heart failure, and we were in the hospital with a feeding tube. At 3 months, I handed him over to a surgical team for open-heart surgery. His heart was stopped for 70 minutes.

He’s doing okay now, and at 4 months old, I finally feel like I have a normal baby, a baby that doesn’t want to nap and eats all the time. And I’m so thankful for that. My words of encouragement are that you can absolutely do this, and there is most likely nothing wrong with your baby. Take comfort in that.

6

Awww, how is he now? Did the procedure correct his defect?

7

It did! He’s doing fine. Still recuperating, but becoming stronger each day.

8

Good, I am glad for your family. My first son died when he was just about a month old. He was very ill, so I understand what it’s like to live in the unknown for a while, worried sick about the most important person in your life. It’s hard.

9

That is beyond words horrible; I am very sorry.

10

I’m so terribly sorry. Praying for your heart to feel at peace

11

Thank you. I’m doing much better these days :heart:.

12

Thank you so much for sharing; perspective is everything. I am so thrilled your little one is doing well! I appreciate your warm words.

13

Wow, thank you for sharing; my kid was in the NICU and has been on the tube since (2 months this weekend). Today, we received confirmation from the doctor that he will require open heart surgery within the next few months. It’s so scary.

14

I’m so sorry to hear this; if you have any concerns about the process or simply need to talk about it, please DM me. I had some redditors who helped me during my baby’s operation, and it was quite beneficial.