So, I’m now at the end of my night and am decompressing/processing what happened today. Usually when we are out in public, I don’t mind strangers coming up to my baby and playing with her, as so far it’s only been older grandparents just wanting to fawn.
Today my sister, me, and the baby were out in an outdoor public market buying smoothies. I was standing over the baby and my sister was paying, when out of nowhere this homeless man puts his face right up to my baby, I mean an inch away, and started asking, “How much do you cost?” over and over again. I mean like really loudly all in her face. It took me a second to figure out that he was not planning on backing away, and to process what it was he was saying to her. I put myself between the man and my baby and loudly repeated, “NO SIR. GO AWAY.” Once my sister figured out what was going on, she grabbed the stroller and pulled it closer towards her. The man would not let up, so I just kept my ground and yelled at him to go away.
I was shaking from the adrenaline afterwards and tried to brush it off but it really upset me. I wish I could go back in time and smash his face into the concrete. The most upsetting part is that there were 20+ people just standing there watching. NO ONE spoke up or came to help. They just watched.
I guess I’m just looking to vent/wanting words of comfort. I feel so angry and violated.
Wow this is scary. I am so sorry this happened to you!! I hope you, babe and your sister are doing okay. I always get super shaken up after things like that happen to me, so I empathize with you 100%.
Blue said:
Wow this is scary. I am so sorry this happened to you!! I hope you, babe and your sister are doing okay. I always get super shaken up after things like that happen to me, so I empathize with you 100%.
thank you! we are okay now. i just cant stop replaying it in my head and thinking of all the things i should have done differently
@Dell
Honestly I think you already did the best thing. This man was clearly unstable and as much as it would have felt emotionally good to go after him physically or yell at him more it was probably a lot safer to do exactly what you did. Who knows what he would have done if you had reacted more aggressively. You kept your baby safe and you and your sister walked away unharmed, which is the most important thing.
Your feelings are super valid. Hindsight is 20/20, it will do you no good to think about what you should’ve done, or how you should’ve reacted. You love your baby, and you protected her in that situation nonetheless. I’m disappointed that no one stepped up, I’m sorry no one had the courage to help you.
@Reign
thats almost the most upsetting part to me. like we were two women and a baby getting verbally harassed by a man in public and no said a peep. like, what is wrong with people
Dell said: @Reign
thats almost the most upsetting part to me. like we were two women and a baby getting verbally harassed by a man in public and no said a peep. like, what is wrong with people
That’s horrible honestly… You deserved better. It’s a shitty situation, but at least you learned in that moment that you and your sister are strong women that didn’t need any backup. I’m so happy you at least had each other!
Dell said: @Reign
thats almost the most upsetting part to me. like we were two women and a baby getting verbally harassed by a man in public and no said a peep. like, what is wrong with people
Since you spoke up (rightfully so) the crowd may have thought you had it under control.
I’m sorry this happened to you but you did the correct actions. Violence would have caused more misery all around.
Speaking up and getting away from the situation is the best and safest procedure.
Dell said: @Reign
thats almost the most upsetting part to me. like we were two women and a baby getting verbally harassed by a man in public and no said a peep. like, what is wrong with people
I think a lot of people are just afraid to deal with unstable people. Like, living in NYC taught me that making eye contact with the wrong person can make a situation get scary really quickly. And then you have news stories like Daniel Penny where everyone is divided on if he’s a hero or a murderer for what happened on that subway car, and that makes people even more afraid to step up in case things go south.
Dell said: @Reign
thats almost the most upsetting part to me. like we were two women and a baby getting verbally harassed by a man in public and no said a peep. like, what is wrong with people
It’s possible that other people were in shock too and also kinda froze. I’ve been in a similar (but not quite exactly the same) situation and I was so horrified that I didn’t know how to react. And then the situation was over, and I always look back on it now and wish I had responded differently. But I try to just use it as a prompt to think through how I would want to respond now if I’m ever in that situation again.
Dell said: @Reign
thats almost the most upsetting part to me. like we were two women and a baby getting verbally harassed by a man in public and no said a peep. like, what is wrong with people
There’s a phenomenon called the bystander effect, where people are less likely to jump in to help when there’s a crowd of people around. Still sucks to feel isolated. I’d like to think I’d step in to help in a scenario like that. But anyway, I think you handled it well.
Dell said: @Reign
thats almost the most upsetting part to me. like we were two women and a baby getting verbally harassed by a man in public and no said a peep. like, what is wrong with people
My heart is racing just reading this! I think it was such a completely bizarre, unexpected, out of nowhere thing to have happened that it makes complete sense that you both took a moment to process it before stepping in and saying something. Like you said, even the people around you didn’t know how or even if to react to someone so unstable. Please don’t feel bad about anything you did or replay this in your head. You responded exactly how you should’ve and kept your baby safe.
That’s so scary, I’m so sorry. You did everything right. The bystander effect is real and unfortunately a lot of people will fall into it. They assume that someone else will help, in this situation it was your sister. They also don’t want to get hurt, harassed, etc. and some people are just weenies. I agree that someone should’ve stepped up. They all failed you in that moment. You, however, did not fail your baby, you protected her the best you could. I would’ve called the police and at gave a description of him, you unfortunately probably aren’t his only target.
@SarahBrown
I agree that someone should’ve, but I try not to judge people too harshly in situations like this. While I’m sure it felt like an eternity for OP, this whole interaction likely lasted 30 seconds or less. A lot of the time people will take a few seconds to actually work out what’s happening when something like this just randomly occurs near them. Then as they often shocked and taken aback, so it takes a while to process it and work out how to react.
I imagine there are a few people at least who are kicking themselves that they didn’t think quickly enough to intervene.
This is really horrible and intimidating, I’m so sorry.
I’m sick of having to pay the price, as a woman, for a sick society. I’ve worked with homeless people and they often had really crap upbringings and have been failed repeatedly by society. As a woman in public, I have been repeatedly harassed by these men that have been so categorically failed by our society. I don’t think men generally get harassed in the same way. I’m sick of having to smile and nod for my safety while a smelly drunk arsehole on a train tells me his story, or why his wife left him, or about his football team. Ugh!
So sorry this happened to you. I would feel the same. But you did great in the moment, give yourself some credit!
My husband and I took our 2 month old baby and 2 dogs to get pup cups one day and we chilled in the car in the parking lot while the dogs enjoyed their whipped delight. A homeless man came up to me on the driver’s side (window open) and asked me for a phone charger, then money, then started yelling random shit. I was so shook and in panic mode that my husband had to drive us home. Ultimately everything was fine but still.
To be fair, about 7 years ago, I was punched in the back by a homeless person walking home from work one day. Cops literally witnessed it and did nothing, except shrug and laugh. My husband (bf at the time) also did nothing lmao. Sometimes it all happens so fast and it’s hard to react in the moment.
You can find keychain pepper spray on Amazon btw. Not that you would use it in this exact scenario but just an idea if it would give you any sort of peace of mind.