My mom died suddenly about a week ago. Besides being completely shattered with grief, I am drowning without her support. I am sleep-deprived, grief-stricken, and feel desperately alone. I try to keep my crying to when the baby is napping and channel only joyful energy when he’s awake. But today, I am mindlessly spinning his toys while he sits in a Fisher-Price bouncer, praying he doesn’t lose interest. My very bones feel so tired that they hurt. I suppose I just want you to hug your mom. Maybe you have survived something similar. I feel like my baby not only lost his grandma but also that his own mom is now a steaming bucket of cortisol. I am worried about how this will affect him. 
Three months ago, my mother passed away due to cancer. Her passing came so quickly. She was OK one minute, and then I got a call to come see her because they were getting ready to put her on hospice. My dad couldn’t even sign the papers before she suddenly vanished. just a single eyeblink. I am devastated that I was unable to say goodbye. I sincerely apologize for your loss. If you need someone to chat to, feel free to message me.
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