I have a five-week-old infant that I believe despises me. She only wants me when she wants the boob and turns it down when she’s full. When my mother (her grandmother) and sisters (aunt) hold her, she calms down. I’m so unhappy right now because I feel useless.
At 7 weeks, I was in the exact same scenario and thinking the same thing. I assumed he despises me since I do everything that isn’t “funny”: changing diapers, cleaning noses, washing faces, etc. Now that he’s three months old, he only wants me and cries when someone else holds him. I’ve read that they weep a lot with mom since you’re their “safe space” and calm down with someone else because they don’t know what to anticipate from other people.
Give it some time; she will eventually show you how much she loves you.
I’ve heard this in the context of toddlers and preschoolers—kids who behave well all day at daycare but then melt down in the car on the way home. I’d honestly be surprised if it applied to a small baby, but babies can be full of surprises!
We experienced a lot of this, too. My parents theorized that we were stressed after a long day of caring for the baby, while someone else comes in who’s well-rested, well-fed, and clean, and the baby can sense that calm. Anecdotally, I’ve found that the best way to soothe my kids is to sit with them and practice loving-kindness meditation, while mostly ignoring them. I can rock and shush for an hour, but the baby still picks up on my stress. Then, when I take just five minutes to calm myself, the baby often settles down right along with me! So, maybe my parents’ theory has some merit after all.
Baby is far too young for the safe space stuff.
Your baby is only 5 weeks old! She probably still sees you as part of herself. You’re forever connected through this journey that began almost a year ago. These feelings are completely normal and will pass. I vividly remember sobbing, convinced my baby hated me. The truth is, babies don’t hate their mamas; they’re just brand new and find other family members exciting! Your comfort will always be crucial to her, and you’ll see that more clearly soon. My baby still lights up for her dad at 8 months, but she seeks comfort from me above everyone else. It might sound cliché, but everything with newborns is a phase. You’re doing an amazing job! Breastfeeding is so physically and emotionally demanding, so please remember to take care of yourself.
I stated the exact same thing. When it’s time to go to bed, my one-year-old puts her pacifier in her mouth and runs to me. She pushes herself closer to me wherever we are. She smiles at whatever I do.
I claimed I wasn’t bonding in the first two months since I wasn’t breastfeeding. I also had insane PPD, which made me very sad. They do, however, learn to memorize your heartbeat, smell, and warmth. I thought my daughter liked my spouse more, but it was all in my brain.
She not only needs you, but she craves what you have to provide her so much that she can’t help but become frustrated! It took another 3-4 weeks (2 months) for my baby to express his want to be near me. He stopped being frustrated that I was doing anything other than feeding him. He smiles at me every chance he gets, and he’s only four months old. You will get there! You are the exact opposite of useless!
I completely understand how you feel, mama. I’ve been there, and so have many others. This is just a phase, so remind yourself that this is YOUR baby—there’s no one better suited to be her parent than you. Right now, she knows only you and hasn’t yet realized that you’re separate. At this age, she sees you as an extension of herself.
Your baby loves you more than anything, even if she can’t express it yet.
Make sure to take time for yourself, too. Enjoy a nice bath, take a walk—anything that helps you relax. I noticed my baby would get anxious whenever I was feeling anxious. The more I believed in my ability to soothe her, the calmer she became. My baby also had colic, which was an incredibly tough phase, but it’s just that—a phase. It will pass, and you’ll eventually forget about it.
Wishing you all the best! Remember, your baby chose you as her parent, and there’s no one better for her than you.
I felt the same way until around 7-8 weeks, especially when my baby struggled to latch. It was frustrating, but things got better. Now my 20-week-old wakes me up with giggles from her crib when I sleep in and showers me with smiles all day. I’m her comfort person.
It just takes time. Be gentle with yourself and your baby. You’re doing an amazing job, mama!
Been there! Simply wait until she begins smiling. I promise you’ll see how much she adores you. 
Cannot dislike you because the baby thinks you share the same body and doesn’t realize you’re not the same person. I read similar accounts, and others were claiming baby might merely smell the milk when in your arms, which can get him agitated.
That was how I felt a few months ago. I believe my infant began to attach to me around the age of three months. She does not want anyone holding her. We got to the stage where she watched me take a bath. Now that she is seven months old, other family members can hold her for as long as she can see me. Do not feel awful. Use those moments to have some me time, since if your kid becomes clingy, you will rush through everything.
Don’t worry, you’re everything to your baby. You smell like food, so even when she isn’t hungry, her survival instincts tell her there’s food nearby, and she finds it difficult to settle. They relax considerably better in the first few weeks when there is no distraction of milk nearby. Don’t worry; it will change soon.
I felt the same way and went through similar experiences. It was tough, especially during the depths of my postpartum depression. My husband kept telling me that around 4 to 7 months, things would change, and I was heartbroken at the thought. It felt so far away, and I didn’t understand why that would be the case. Looking back, I realize my baby was likely just frustrated because he wanted to get to the milk and was seeking comfort in me. As someone else mentioned, I’ve read that we are their safe space.
Now, my baby is 9.5 months old and really doesn’t like being away from me. He started showing separation anxiety a couple of months ago, which has turned into a strong preference for me—sometimes to the point of hurting my husband’s feelings. But this is completely natural as he learns that he’s no longer a part of me and starts to understand object permanence.
Throughout his life, he will go through phases of preferring one parent over the other. I fully expect there will be times when he only wants Daddy and not Mommy.
I know this is hard and can hurt, but developmentally, it’s all normal. Keep trusting that you are the best mom for your baby because you truly are!
That is not true; a 5-week-old child will not dislike their mother!
Before I delivered my baby, a friend warned me that my LO would identify me with milk, and once she figured that out, it would be difficult to calm her without making her want to nurse. I often have to have someone else console her!