My baby just turned 2 months yesterday. We have really good days and some days really bad. Her “father” hasn’t been around much and hasn’t seen her in over a month so definitely doesn’t help with my stress levels.
Some days when she’s extra fussy (Sometimes I feel like she’s more fussy than the average baby and my family would agree) I question if I ruined my life. I love her so much but being a single mom in the newborn stages has not been a walk in the park. Some days I just want to cry and other days I feel fine. I miss who I was before having her. I get sad seeing other women enjoying their newborns with their partners.
I feel like a terrible mom because when she’s super fussy and inconsolable I have to step away and let my mom or dad handle her for a while. Then I feel like a terrible mom because I just wish I could be just me again.
Definitely normal. I had really bad baby blues the first few weeks. I was crying everyday, I truly regretted having a baby, I was having really bad anxiety. It got much better for me at month 4. Having a child completely changes your life. It takes time to get into a new routine and to be comfortable with it. Just make sure if your feelings continue you speak with your doctor because sometimes postpartum depression can set in.
Perfectly normal. 2-month-olds can be very exhausting! Things will get better as she gets older. It helps when they smile and laugh. Boy, do the first few months feel thankless…
OP, I hope this helps but I’ve struggled with similar thoughts and feel guilty for them because I love my son more than anything in the world. I struggled with infertility for 3 years, went through IVF, a difficult pregnancy, and delivery to have him. I’ll be honest, I kinda regret having him sometimes because I didn’t know how much work babies were and I feel like I’m failing as a mom because I don’t always know what is wrong with my son or why he is crying. There’s moments where he is super cute and interactive but other times he’s just fussy and cries very loudly. From what I’ve been told by others, they are grumpy little potatoes for the first couple of months of life before they become super interactive.
Babies are complicated and not easy to take care of. Your feelings are 100% valid. If you are able to, try to get family to help you out so that way you can have a break or do some TLC for yourself. I wish I could say if it gets easier but I don’t know since every baby is different.
My baby was so fussy as a newborn. I used to see new mothers walking their sleeping babies in prams and going out for coffee. Meanwhile my girl would cry in the car seat/pram/carrier and pretty much all day. I felt robbed of the newborn experience I thought I would have. We’re now 9.5 months and having a blast. I wonder if my baby was always frustrated that she was stuck in her baby body and couldn’t move. Once she got more mobile she was happier, and she’s been a whole new baby since she started crawling. I think her fussiness improved around the 3-4 month mark though. You’re doing something incredibly hard that was never meant for one person to do alone. Give yourself grace and try to relax into your days with her. Don’t get bogged down with how you think your day should be going.
Being a new mom is tough. It’s something you’ve never done before, and you have to do it on top of being sleep deprived and healing from delivery. You also have the extra stress of being a single mom. Every mom needs to take a break, and thankfully your parents can help you. You’re a good mom and it’s going to get easier. Just wait until you have your baby who dances with you, laughs with you, calls for their mama, and hugs you back. Your life is different now, but I think it’ll prove in time to be a good different. Hang in there, you’re strong and got this!
It gets so, so much better. It gets easier, the baby gets more fun and enjoyable. You will feel more like yourself again. It’s hard right now, but it really will get better!
I think it’s very normal. I have a 3mo old and I frequently have similar thoughts of “did I ruin my life?” or “why did I do this?” and I have a partner helping me! I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. It might just be me but I feel like people don’t talk about just how hard it is to have a baby.
You’re doing an amazing job though letting your parents help you out when you need it. Knowing when you need help is so important! There were days I had to have someone come and help me because it was just too much.
There was a point at which I thought WHAT HAVE I DONE? It’s a scary moment. Intellectually you know it won’t be like this forever, but it doesn’t help much at that point.
Try to enjoy those moments that you step away. Try to do it a little more than you are forced to. Partner is one thing, but watching a grandparent bond with a new baby is so precious if you’ve got the capacity to enjoy it. And they can be such a wealth of knowledge in those early days. My mum and MIL still don’t know how much I learned from them, less from their words, more from observing. And comparing, but don’t tell them that.
Remember that that time you take away is healthy for you and healthy for the baby. And probably joyful for your parents too.
Edit: Also, intrusive thoughts of all kinds are very, very common. Don’t believe them if they’re judgment thoughts. If they’re about horrible happenings, try to let them pass and ground yourself in your physical reality. I know this isn’t what you asked but the strength of my intrusive thoughts was brutally shocking to me and made everything else harder.
I think throughout your life, not just the newborn stage, during really hard moments when you wistfully reminisce about your old life, you’ll occasionally feel like you regret having kids. But then other days when they make you the happiest person alive.
I have a very loving husband who is an excellent father. Even then, the first couple of weeks I used to look at my daughter who I loved and think, Oh my God, what have we done? We can never leave her alone. We will never know what she needs and when she needs it. Our life is constantly at her beck and call. This is a massive mistake.
So I couldn’t imagine how you’re feeling having to do it on your own. Yes, absolutely. Even in the best of circumstances, people feel alike. What the hell have they done? So give yourself a break for feeling this way and appreciate how much effort you are having to put in.
Totally normal. My baby is 4 months and I still get these feelings. It’s ok to mourn who you were and what your life was before. Babies change your life for good. You’ve got this momma!
Very much normal, you’re going through massive changes to your life, it’s going to take some time adjusting to your new normal. My partner split up with me a month ago when the baby was 3 months old and I’m very much feeling the same. I love my baby to bits, but being a single mom at 26 is definitely not what I had planned for my life. It kinda hurts seeing happy families out in public, feeling sad I can’t give that to my little girl. Parenting is hard enough with your partner in the picture but it’s a different kind of isolation trying to do it solo even if you have family support.
Sending you virtual hugs, the journey is tough at the moment but you’ll look back on it one day and be proud of how strong you were xx
Totally normal. I had a “deeply feeling kid” too. I didn’t enjoy parenting till she was 11 months. Later I realized I’m just not a baby person. I do so much better with her now that she talks and walks and has her own personality. It’s still tough and she still has very high emotional needs. But she makes up for it in loaaaaadddsss of ways.
Totally normal! Having a baby is the HARDEST thing I have ever done. I’ve packed up and moved across the country with no job alone, I’ve worked very demanding jobs with very long hours, we went through IVF to get her, but NOTHING compares to this. Our LO is now 7.5 months and it’s so much better! That may feel like an eternity, but you will get there. And I still struggle some days with this new reality but as time goes on, you figure your routine and what works for you, and you get more confident, and baby gets mobile and is happy to be left on the floor to play and move around. It’s a little more awake so you can do more things and is a better sleeper so you are more rested yourself.
It’s completely normal. Do talk to your pediatrician about this. They might not prescribe any meds if you are nursing. If you had a c-section, you might experience even more intense thoughts. That happened to my body. I felt so strange that I owe everything to this bundle next to me. It started to wane when she started to interact more. This is the true love that you have found. You will feel it a thousand times more than any other love. The abortion regret pain is unbearable. You are blessed with a healthy kid. Pray and enjoy your happiness.
Worrying that you are a terrible mom is how I know you are an amazing mom. You obviously care.
Everything you’re feeling is so normal. I’ve felt the same way more times than I can count. It’s really hard. Newborns are beyond difficult and exhausting, especially as a single parent having to carry so much on your own shoulders.