I’m really at my wits’ end. My 18-month-old son is in the throes of the tantrum phase, though it feels like we’ve been here since he was born! He’s just a naturally grumpy little guy.
Now that he’s found various ways to express his anger, like throwing himself on the floor, hitting, and stomping, it seems to happen everywhere we go. In the grocery store, he’ll scream. At the park, he’ll throw himself in the dirt and wail. Even at family gatherings, he’s running around crying. Today, I had to take him with me to vote, and he screamed the entire hour. I was so embarrassed, but I had no other options.
I’m just exhausted from the tantrums and the looks we get. This is just where he is right now, and I know I need to find ways to support him. He can be so sweet, too! I just wish I didn’t feel so ashamed and embarrassed when we’re out. I feel bad for everyone around us, and I hurt for him when he gets so frustrated.
Oh, I have had to take my son from the grocery store several times. We debated going alone, but decided that sitting at home would not teach him how to behave in public. However, when you nail a cool and professional management of the circumstance and receive a nod from another father or mother…
It’s tough not to care about what others think or the looks they give, but I’m really trying my best.
My daughter is 21 months old and incredibly stubborn and strong-willed. It’s one of my favorite things about her, but it can drive me a bit crazy! Her tantrums can be intense, which makes me anxious about going out with her alone, but I still push myself to do it.
The other day, someone joked that she’s going to grow up to be a singer with those lungs! I appreciate comments like that because they help lighten a pretty normal situation.
When I feel people staring, I focus on her and work to deescalate the moment. It doesn’t mean I’m not feeling anxious and sweating, though! Most of the time, I just think, “Forget those people giving dirty looks, they probably don’t have kids and don’t get it.” Plus, I’m likely never going to see them again, so whatever!
Try to remember that if people are looking, they probably aren’t judging you at all; they might just be thinking, “Wow, that looks like hard work.” Non-parents, in particular, may feel a bit awkward and not know what to say.
The only time I’ve ever ‘judged’ a parent with a challenging child is if they reacted with anger or treated the child poorly. If you’re showing compassion and doing your best, others can sense that. So don’t worry about what people might think—your baby is what matters most. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing by letting him experience the world, and helping him work through his feelings is so validating. He’ll be a happier person for it because you’re there for him!
Even if the parent becomes upset, do not pass judgment; we all lose our cool from time to time, and being a parent is difficult! Life can be overwhelming at times. As long as they are not abusing their child, try to be understanding; you never know what others are going through. Getting upset at your child every now and then will not have a lasting impression on them.
If it’s any comfort, even when I didn’t have kids, I’d usually think “man, poor mom…thank god I don’t have kids”. Now that I have a newborn, I relate with and admire parents who can keep it together in the midst of chaos. People rarely think negatively of you, and those that do, f them.
Honestly, I don’t think most people are giving judgmental looks; I believe our exhausted, anxious minds tend to imagine it more than anything. Often, people are just curious, trying to figure out what’s happening or where the noise is coming from.
That said, I’m in a “forget them” mindset anyway, since they’re strangers I’ll likely never see again and honestly don’t care about. My son is my main focus, so I do my best to channel my energy into him instead of worrying about others. And for those “emergencies,” I always keep a cloth soaked in chloroform on hand—because you never know when you might need it!
I promise that if your toddler is tantruming and you are treating it calmly, many adults (especially parents) will be very impressed. I’m always relieved when the parent doesn’t swear or smack the child.
This! When I hear youngsters behaving up in public, I immediately become tense and look about. I’m looking not to judge you, but because I’ve witnessed children being mistreated one too many times.
Yes, the judgement is based on how the parent responds rather than the reality of the breakdown. Kids are doing their jobs, lol; just respond calmly and you will receive no judgment from anyone with common reason.
I appreciate comments like that because they help lighten a pretty normal situation.