Hi all,
I’m a first-time mom (FTM) to a precious 9-month-old baby, and I’m really enjoying the stage we’re in right now. Our plan has always been to start trying for another baby pretty soon after our first turns one. I feel solid in my reasons for that: I want my baby to have a sibling, I grew up in a tiny family and want a slightly bigger one, I want my kids to be close in age, and I want to be done with the baby years sooner.
BUT I did not enjoy being pregnant, I had postpartum depression (PPD), and generally, the young baby stage is really not for me. Our baby was not especially difficult, but I found it incredibly draining, overstimulating, frustrating, and overwhelming. I didn’t love my baby for the first few months, even though I cared about him and wanted to protect his safety and well-being. Even looking back at pictures from that early time fills my stomach with dread because it brings back memories of how I felt.
Now that we’re in a really good place – getting occasional full nights of sleep, having our baby crawl into our laps and laugh at dumb sounds, and even get into the dog food – it’s almost heightened my dread at the idea of doing the newborn stage again. The happiness I feel now helps me see how unhappy I felt before.
Does anyone else feel this way? How did you cope with the idea of having another baby after a difficult first experience? Any advice or insights will be greatly appreciated. 
Listen to your gut, maybe wait until you’re ready. You mention growing up in a tiny family and wanting more kids because of it. I grew up with 5 siblings and…i don’t know how many kids you want but i wouldn’t recommend 6.
There’s never a guarantee kids will be great siblings. I don’t know your specifics. But i do know my mom was a worse mom because she kept having kids she wanted but wasn’t ready for and we all suffered. She yelled a lot and was constantly stressed out.
Kids are affected by that. A lot. Whether it’s 2 kids or 6. In my opinion, which might not be right for you, it’s best to have parents who have the capacity to show up well for their kids, not show up stressed, angry, and inconsistent with their love and joy.
If you want to wait longer, that might be the best option.
I totally understand where you’re coming from; I went through something similar after my first baby. I had a tough time during the early months, struggling with postpartum depression and finding the baby stage exhausting. Despite my desire for a larger family and the closeness between siblings, the idea of going through those challenging newborn months again was daunting. What helped me was talking openly with my partner and a therapist about my fears and expectations. We made a plan to ensure support during the next pregnancy and discussed ways to handle potential challenges better. It’s also important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself grace; everyone’s journey is different, and it’s okay to reconsider or adjust your plans based on your well-being.