I always thought I would want multiple children. I love kids and babies—I thought I was born to be a mom. But now that I have a baby, I’m seriously reconsidering. We started out with reflux and colic, got that under control, but he still barely slept. We had a great sleep pattern for about a week, then the 4-month regression hit. We got back into a good sleep pattern, and then he got sick with a virus. Now he’s teething and screaming inconsolably every 2 hours at night. He’s 5.5 months old, and this is so freaking hard. It feels like it just gets harder instead of easier. We’ve done all kinds of research and tried everything. I feel like we’re drowning. I’m so thankful my husband is amazing and supportive, but I’m at the point where I don’t even want to have sex because I’m terrified of having another baby.
Is this normal? Do women really go through this and still want to have another child? “Oh, you’ll forget.” LOL, no, I absolutely will not. Motherhood kinda sucks. I love my baby more than anything in the world, but there’s no way this is normal and that I’m supposed to want to do it again and again… right?
I always thought I was a “one and done” kind of person. Anytime the topic came up, I was sure I only wanted one child. My husband left the decision up to me, saying he was fine either way. In the newborn trenches, we would ask each other, “How do people choose to do this again?” And like you, it felt like things just kept getting harder, not easier.
Then, suddenly, when my daughter was 8 months old and I was cuddling her to sleep, I thought, “Maybe I want one more.” I immediately stopped myself and thought, “What was that? Nope, I only want one.” But then again, maybe one more wouldn’t be so bad.
Now, my baby girl is 8.5 months old, and her sleep has been terrible the last few nights. I’m back on the “one and done” train. Or am I? Because now that you ask… lmao!!!
I felt this way too. Everything seemed extremely difficult, and I thought I might get baby fever again at some point, but I didn’t really. We started trying again when our first was 18 months old because we really wanted a sibling for them, and I knew I’d regret not having at least two. But being pregnant with a toddler is another level of hard, and I know having a newborn and a toddler will bring its own challenges.
Your feelings are totally normal, and you may never feel completely ready because it IS so hard. You’ll have to dig deep and make the right choice for your family. But remember, there’s no rush. You might feel differently in a few months or even a year from now. So much changes so quickly with these little humans.
Did the same thing, and if I hadn’t already committed to two in a row, I’d be finished. It is absolutely unbelievably difficult, but there is an upside if you can survive the first two years.
Yes, I can sympathize. It’s like closing your eyes and diving into an ice bath - a shock to the system at first but gets easier the longer you’re in the water.
At 7 weeks, I was very much in survival mode, and my postpartum hormones were all over the place. I had convinced myself I was going to have to quit my job for some pretty wild reasons. I had intense existential dread. Now, at 9 months, sleep still isn’t great, but my life is much rosier than it was 7 or 8 months ago. Newborns are hard because they rely on you for absolutely everything. Now, my daughter can crawl around, grab toys, and flip through her little board books.
I know I’m rambling, but just know that you’re doing okay, even if you hate the newborn phase. This is not what being a mom is always going to be like.
That being said, postpartum anxiety is PPD’s ugly little sister and should be taken seriously. If you find yourself feeling constantly anxious and unable to enjoy things, please reach out to your OB or another professional.
Reading this helped me feel less alone right now. My baby is 3.5 months old, and I can’t believe how difficult this has been, and will continue to be. Sleep deprivation is awful. Even if she only wakes up twice a night, the disrupted sleep I receive totaling around 5 hours is driving me mad. My spouse is also quite supportive, and we share night shifts, but holy shit. It’s simply so hard. I cannot see doing this again.
