I’m an 18-year-old single parent, and my baby’s father walked out the day I told him I was pregnant, so it’s been just me from day one. My baby is just under a month old now, and I’m finding everything about having a baby incredibly difficult, the nights, the feeds, going out. I don’t hate my baby, but I don’t feel a huge amount of love towards him either, which sounds horrible to say. I’d be heartbroken if anything bad happened to him, but I feel like my life has been cut short. I can’t even have a bath or eat without rushing in case he wakes up crying. I constantly feel like I’m running out of time like he’s a time bomb waiting to go off.
Breastfeeding didn’t work out because he was tongue-tied and in special care for the first few days. The birth was terrible, and the whole experience has put me off completely. I had serious complications after birth, which left me unable to care for him since I couldn’t move and was really unwell. My mum took care of him for about two and a half weeks, which has clearly affected our bonding. I’m angry at myself for having a kid; I hate the responsibility and it feels like the worst mistake of my life.
I take good care of him, he’s always fed and has a clean nappy and clothes. My mum helps out whenever she can, even overnight if I need to catch up on sleep, but it’s not her responsibility, so I don’t like “dumping” him on her. I’m scared to leave the house with him in case he cries, and I’m constantly at the hospital and doctors because of issues from childbirth. Everything has gone wrong and not how I wanted it to. I want to enjoy being a mother, but I just don’t, and I don’t know how much longer I can cope feeling like this. When will things change? Did anyone else feel like this?
I’m 35 years old, I had methodically prepared for this, I had a supportive family, a loving spouse, and fantastic maternity benefits, but even so, there were a few occasions in the first few months that I wished I hadn’t.
You’re going to come out stronger and happier with a gorgeous kid, and the two of you will be the best little unit forever. Motherhood is the hardest experience I’ve ever had, so the fact that you’re handling it so early and so well is proof to that. You can do this, and you’ll have plenty of time to enjoy incredible moments with and without your child in the near future.
I too am a 31-year-old FTM, and I wholeheartedly concur! I was mistaken when I assumed that since I was no longer in my 20s, I wouldn’t miss my previous existence. Even though I adore her beyond words, I still long for the freedom to hop in my car and drive wherever I choose.
Likewise, At age 32, I became an FTM this year. In my twenties, I could not fathom going through this. Even in my 30s, there are moments when I think I should have waited a few more years. Nonetheless, I adore my baby and being a mother. It’s a challenging position.
All mothers feel like this, especially during the first two months. It’s incredibly hard, and no one can truly prepare you for it. Doing it alone must be even tougher, but you’re not the first and won’t be the last to go through this. You can do it, and you will. Becoming a mom unlocks abilities you never knew you had.
Hang in there and try to find some community support—other moms, friends, family, neighbors who can become your circle. We were never meant to do this alone, whether there’s a father in the picture or not. It’s wonderful that your mom is there for you, so lean on her! Many of us, even older married parents, rely on grandparents for help.
Things do get better after the first couple of months. The best advice I received was to take newborns in two-week increments. If you’re having a hard time, remind yourself, “This will be different in two weeks.” Set a timer and hang on for those two weeks. Things change quickly. In two weeks, you’ll have new challenges, so set a new timer. Before you know it, your baby will be six months old, and you’ll have made it through so many phases.
I didn’t feel even mildly confident as a mom until my baby was two months old. My daughter is three now, and I still have days where I think, “What is going on? I can’t do this!” But we just do it, and you will too.
How old is your little one? The first 2-3 months are definitely the hardest to adjust to. Leaving the house can be incredibly challenging at first, but it does get easier. For grocery shopping, I use delivery services like Walmart. Even with the delivery fees, I find it cheaper because I avoid impulse purchases. If not Walmart, then another delivery service could work.
I started enjoying my daughter more around 3-4 months old. That’s when she became more alert and started giving big smiles. For me, she also started sleeping better around that age. It does get better; it just takes time.
I completely agree that a lot changed for me around the 3-month mark. My baby started randomly sleeping through the night, which greatly improved my morale. He also became much more interactive—cooing, smiling, and even starting to giggle. He’s generally a lot happier and more content, which makes going out much easier. I can finally set him down in the bouncer for a while to cook dinner or clean.
While it’s still a massive life adjustment, it feels much more rewarding and not nearly as hard as those fussy 6-9 weeks. Plus, it’s incredibly nice to start getting something in return, like smiles, which makes the days much happier. The smiles and giggles are a bliss I can’t explain, and I’m sure most parents would agree.
Use your support system and try to find other single moms for community. A bond will come with time as their little personality starts to emerge. Though the newborn weeks are difficult, they fly by.
I’m sorry to hear about your circumstances, but it’s impressive that you appear strong enough to be able to handle things on your own thus far. They don’t do much for the first two months, but beyond that time, you will cherish your child unconditionally.
I had a cryptic pregnancy, so I didn’t have any time to prepare for my baby. Just two hours after arriving at the hospital, I gave birth. My fiancé and I had nothing ready for her. It was incredibly hard, OP. I cried almost every day when she came home because I didn’t know anything about babies. She would cry, and I had no time for showers or eating—just taking care of my baby.
Now she’s 4 months old, and I can’t imagine my life without her. She’s much more aware, and I can leave her relaxing in her crib or jumper to get things done. I shower more than once a week now, and she eats so much easier!
The time will come, my love. You are so strong and so young (I’m only 22, so not much older than you). Everything is going to work out the way it’s supposed to. You’re doing great so far. Keeping your baby fed, clean, and changed are the most important things!
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re doing this without help from the baby’s father. It’s wonderful that you have your mom’s support. It truly takes a village to raise a child, so don’t hesitate to lean on others for help. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job so far, making sure your baby’s needs are always met.
You’re in the thick of it right now, but I promise it gets a little easier around 6-8 weeks, and sleep stretches get longer. From there, it will continue to improve (though don’t be surprised by sleep regressions—they’re totally normal).
Take it one day at a time. Do small things for yourself here and there; it will make a world of difference. Set him down in a safe space (crib or bassinet) for 10 minutes while you take a quick shower or bath. Even if he cries, he will be okay. Take him for walks outside if the weather is nice. Run a short errand with him and don’t be afraid of him crying, most people out and about are parents too, and have been where you are, so they’ll understand. And if someone doesn’t, forget them. Who cares what they think?
As your baby grows and starts developing a personality, you will fall in love. It’s normal to feel everything you’re feeling right now. You’re doing a great job, and you’ve got this, mama.
