I’m 3.5 months postpartum, and I adore my little one. I love being her mom and watching my husband be her dad.
But who have I become? I feel constantly irritable and frustrated. I don’t feel like myself. Snarky and nasty comments come out of my mouth so easily, and then I’m left wondering who that woman was who just said those horrible things to the person she loves.
I’m not fun anymore. Everything I do, think, and talk about revolves around my little one. Her wake windows, her feeds, her development, even her poop. I’m in a constant state of worry. Is she getting enough tummy time? Is her head shape okay? She’s gassy and upset—did I eat something that bothered her?
I don’t recognize myself. I used to take such pride in my appearance, and now it’s tough to find time to shower or eat.
I love being her mom, I really do. She’s the sweetest, happiest, funniest little girl. And I’m just… I have no idea anymore.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for with this post. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.
I experienced that and feel that way. It’s difficult to do anything else when you’re sleep-deprived. Her care is now your top priority, and it’s a lot right now. I needed some time to settle back into the swing of things.
Additionally, although your hormones are regulating, postpartum fury is a very real thing. PPd/ppa could also apply here. I would advise speaking with a therapist or your employer. Medication saved my life, but not for everyone. The key to eradicating bothersome thoughts was working with my therapist.
Keep in mind that everything is a phase, and things get better with time and the correct assistance.
Congratulations on your new baby and you’ve got this, mom!
And about that constant state of worry—if you haven’t already, try staying off social media and Google for a bit.
Reach out to your pediatrician and other mom friends for advice and questions.
Comparing yourself on social media made my postpartum anxiety so much worse. No matter what you do, someone will always say you’re doing something wrong.
You’re doing amazing, and you’re an incredible mom!
The worst thing is social media! Many accounts that merely hint at things that irritate me are still blocked by me. The same is true with the news; I have to change the station if I start to hear anything about a given subject. PPA is serious business; I’ve never felt anything like I do when I begin to spiral.
I didn’t go the medication route, but I was seeing a therapist who, after six years, seemed to be losing her touch due to age and frailty. I kept guessing if I had PPD/PPA and tried to get diagnosed (even thought I had ADHD at one point because it was so hard to focus), but I wasn’t getting anywhere, and my therapist was hesitant to put me on medication.
My new therapist, however, has her act together. She’s also a mom with young kids, so she understands my situation (unlike my previous therapist, who didn’t have kids and was widowed). She does formal monthly questionnaires to check in on my depression and anxiety, which are super helpful. If the results differ from before or raise any concerns, we discuss them right off the bat during our sessions.
The good thing about babies is that they change, even though their changes give me whiplash . So, while it feels like this will last forever, it won’t. It will change. In the meantime, try to find opportunities to do things that help you feel like yourself again. My husband takes over for a couple of hours so I can take myself out to lunch, the beach, or shopping. We even got a sitter for the first time last month when our baby was 10 months old and went to a concert, which made me feel the most like myself again.
With time and giving myself grace and understanding, I became a nicer wife and am working on being a friend to myself as much as I am a good mom to my kid. I still have a sharp tongue sometimes, but I feel more able to control it.
It’s so hard to give ourselves grace, but I found that doing so made it easier for me to be nicer to myself and everyone else, even while still feeling like an . You’re not alone!
The worst thing is social media! Many accounts that merely hint at things that irritate me are still blocked by me. The same is true with the news; I have to change the station if I start to hear anything about a given subject. PPA is serious business; I’ve never felt anything like I do when I begin to spiral.
While this may not be particularly helpful to you, reading this gave me comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one experiencing this. I’m feeling precisely the same way.
Hello! Hold on, things will get better. It took several months to recover from the fog of postpartum. For me, after 14 months, it’s unquestionably far better than it was after 3 months. This won’t last forever, I promise! I swear. Our lives were drastically altered when LO began to sleep better. I had to start sleep training him at 13 months since I was at my breaking point. I regret not doing it a few months earlier.
After reading your essay, I feel extremely validated. Thank you so much for making me feel seen. I’m 3.5 months pregnant and in the exact same situation.
I love you for this stranger I met on the internet; you make me feel less weird.
You’ve only been here for 3.5 months, gal. Let yourself two years, possibly one. I guarantee you will rediscover who you are at that point. However, it requires far more time than you have allocated for it.
Irregular sleep patterns have a major impact on how grumpy I get. Postpartum Rage could be the cause of your persistent anger. Everyone discusses PPD, but some women experience anger or anxiety.
Lastly, read “You’re a F*cking Awesome Mom” by Leslie Bruce. I read it twice because it was so helpful.
Eventually, your body will feel like the “old” you again. And one day you’ll get some rest! I assure you that things do improve.
All you need is some sleep. With regard to our son, I feel the same. Occasionally, my spouse will spend an entire night away from me, and wow, what a difference a night’s sleep makes.
. So, while it feels like this will last forever, it won’t. It will change. In the meantime, try to find opportunities to do things that help you feel like yourself again. My husband takes over for a couple of hours so I can take myself out to lunch, the beach, or shopping. We even got a sitter for the first time last month when our baby was 10 months old and went to a concert, which made me feel the most like myself again.
. You’re not alone!