I’m reaching out for support and perspective on a situation I’m struggling with. My husband and I had talked about being one and done with children, but I always had a lingering thought about possibly having more. We had planned for a vasectomy during late pregnancy, but it was postponed due to insurance issues.
After having our baby, I realized I would really love to have another child someday. I asked my husband if we could wait a year before going through with the vasectomy to give us time to adjust to this new phase of life and decide if we truly want to be one and done.
He refused, citing complications from delivery as a reason for his decision, even though we don’t know the full extent of the complications as he was unwilling to wait for more information. He went ahead with the vasectomy just three weeks after our baby was born.
I understand that it’s his body and his choice, and I believe in the principle of “two yes’s” for decisions like this. However, I feel it was too soon to make such a permanent choice. I’m feeling absolutely devastated and find it hard to enjoy the joy of our new baby because I’m grieving the potential of not having more children.
I’m also extremely exhausted and trying to recover from my c-section while caring for both our newborn and myself. I’ve been crying a lot and feel overwhelmed by these emotions.
Will this get better? How can I come to terms with this and cope better? I don’t want to feel resentful or ungrateful for our son, who is the best thing in the world. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.
Grieving the loss of the option to have more children is tough, especially with the added stress of a newborn and recovery from a c-section. It might help to talk to a counselor or therapist who can help you process these feelings and find ways to cope.
You’re going through a lot. It’s okay to feel devastated. Take time to process your emotions, talk to your husband openly, seek support from loved ones or a therapist, and prioritize self-care.
