So we’re first time parents to an 11-day-old newborn. After 11 days, I got back to work today and my wife stayed for the first time alone with the kid. The baby won’t stop crying and she’s so frustrated and exhausted that she keeps saying “why did I do this?”, “I’m not ready for this”, and “I don’t have anything to give to this kid” kind of stuff. Any tips? It’s a heavy load on my mental health as well since I’m away and cannot help the same as I did these whole 11 days until today and obviously it’s a lot on her.
I’m 7 months in and still regularly feel like this. Patience, reassurance, and a whole lot of love will go a long way here. Make sure your wife knows she is not alone, even though she may feel like it a lot of the time.
@Blakely
When I’m home, I try to take most of the things on myself, nursing the baby, home assignments, and stuff. But the hard times are when I’m not at home. Will keep crossing fingers things will be better as soon as possible.
@Keller
Eleven days into parenthood feels like a marathon where both runners forgot to sleep first.
@Keller
I’m 9 months in and still feel helpless when my wife has hard days. When I come home, I take him and take care of him the whole evening. I also get up with him at least 2 times on work nights. And on weekends, I take care of him through the night so she gets rest. It’s still sometimes not enough and I struggle with it too because I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need to provide for the family more than ever, but when I’m away, my wife is having a hell of a time. One thing I try to do is just find as many solutions as possible. It feels like you’re working for no reason if you can’t build a happy home. But there are bad days and there are good days. You just gotta keep waking up every day, going to work, and keep being supportive. When you’re at work, try to take care of yourself. If you need to take an extra break, take it. Things will get better.
@Keller
That’s awesome. The one time I left the baby (he was 3 weeks old at the time) with a bottle for my husband to give him so I could pump, I soon heard the baby screaming. I went back to the bedroom and my husband had his earbuds in and had turned his back to the baby and was fast asleep while baby’s little face was red.
Ah, the newborn phase where every day feels like a lifetime, and yet you blink and wonder how they turned three.
Rory said:
Ah, the newborn phase where every day feels like a lifetime, and yet you blink and wonder how they turned three.
Fuck, mine is turning three next week and I still feel like I belong here because I don’t know how we even got here 
Rory said:
Ah, the newborn phase where every day feels like a lifetime, and yet you blink and wonder how they turned three.
I hope you are right… We’re three weeks in and it feels like three months. Newborn days are hell on earth. 
I’m also 11 days in. The only thing I want from my husband is his presence. It feels very alone and isolating. I have the sweetest mother-in-law, which he asks to come over every day, but I just want his comforting presence. It sucks that maternity leave is just for the mother.
@Lior
So true, wish I could be with her for the entire leave.
It’s so hard in the beginning. Is there anyone else in your lives that can come by and maybe give her a break?
Gale said:
It’s so hard in the beginning. Is there anyone else in your lives that can come by and maybe give her a break?
Well, my mother-in-law helped for a few days but I was at home as well, so hopefully tomorrow my sis will come. And Thursday I’ll be working from home. Next week will be a challenge.
@Keller
Eleven days in, and you’re both running on fumes. It’s like boot camp, but with less sleep and way more crying.
Tracy said:
@Keller
Eleven days in, and you’re both running on fumes. It’s like boot camp, but with less sleep and way more crying.
Absolutely true.
@Keller
Just keep reassuring her that she’s doing great. Be patient with each other. This is a stressful, but normal and brief time in your lives. It does get so much better, a lot faster than you think. Sending love your way!
You need to figure out a way to get her regular breaks. I had no help (husband worked a lot) and I went crazy. It was 5 months of pure hell. The only time I felt like I surfaced and was a human being was those few times I got a proper break. The newborn cycle is hell. But it’s also temporary. It will get better.
Hey hey, my favorite things to have done for me are: Have the coffee maker ready, put toast in the toaster oven so I just have to hit start, wash the bottles at night. Anticipate what she will need & set things up so they are easier. Ask her what you can do to make her day easier. You’re amazing for reaching out!
I remember how scared and overwhelmed I was when my partner went back to work. Find your village and see who can help out and on what days. I also would recommend she get earplugs or earbuds to listen to music while the baby is crying. When you get home, do everything you can to help; she’s dealing with a lot hormonally and physically.
She still has the baby blues. After 2-3 weeks if she still feels this way all the time it could be postpartum depression. It gets better over time.