For months, I’ve been loosely using the term “high needs baby” to describe my 8-month-old daughter without realizing it’s an actual thing. She is so discontent that I’ve often wondered if there might be something medically wrong (there isn’t).
I recently read an article on Healthline titled “What is a high needs baby?” and I’ve never felt so seen.
I’m so tired of hearing, “Oh, she’s just teething” (4 months later, still no teeth), “Oh, she’ll grow out of it!” (when???), and “All babies cry” (Yes, I KNOW!).
I have extensive experience with young babies, and I’ve never met a baby like mine. She is 8 months old and screams bloody murder pretty much all day. Not being held? Screaming. Put in the car seat? Screaming. In the stroller but not moving AND outside? Screaming. In the high chair before food is in sight? Screaming.
Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely obsessed with her. She has the biggest personality, happily screeches at strangers, and is truly the life of the party. But when it’s just her and me, I feel like the biggest failure of a mother. No matter what I do on days I just want to stay home, it never seems like it’s enough for her.
For now, I guess I’ll just continue to figure out how to keep her entertained every second she’s awake (which is most of the time) and within a 15-minute drive. Maybe one day I’ll be able to breathe again, but that day is not today.
I hope someone can relate, and if you have any tips, I’m all ears.
I know it seems cliché, but it’s a phase! As an infant, I screamed bloody murder, but between the ages of 3 and 18, I became the calmest child. My brother was the calmest newborn and the most difficult to cope with from the ages of 9 to 18. I know it doesn’t help right now, but she will not always scream.
But, seriously, thank you. I’ve heard it’s a phase, and I know it will pass quickly, but it’s hard. It’s really hard. I’m doing my best to treasure this time.
Just to clarify, this was also true for my brother and me when we were youngsters. I was the calmest tiny child who would just lie down and relax, but as a toddler, I turned into a little terror. My sibling was continuously crying and needed attention (as well as spitting up), but he calmed down significantly once he began moving.
I just read through some of your postings, and they sound rather similar!! I’m glad you can connect; they appear to be few and far between.
PS: I saw the one about toilet training, and I’ve been doing elimination communication since she was 7 weeks old. She pees and poops on the potty frequently, and most of her diapers are now entirely dry. Your infant is at an excellent age to begin, and I highly recommend it!!
My eldest was definitely a high-needs baby. It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t anything I did or didn’t do; it was simply the way she turned out. She is three years old now, and she is fantastic. Her words and perspective on the world are exceptional. She’s busy, lively, and creative; she’s a lot of fun.
Things improved about 15 months, when she was able to walk and convey her basic requirements. She’s still as intense as a toddler, but it doesn’t feel so overwhelming. Her brother is very different; it’s astonishing!
It does not feel like a phase to me. I’m not sure, but do you know whether your infant has allergies, silent reflux, or anything like that? It doesn’t seem proper to yell all day. If it’s a phase, I’m sorry, FTM!
The article I mentioned is really helpful in understanding what I’m talking about, especially when it discusses that “some high needs babies need stimulation to feel calmer.” My daughter doesn’t have any medical issues or allergies. Our pediatrician didn’t use the term “high needs,” but something similar.
She makes me question my sanity daily because she’ll be nonstop screaming at home, but as soon as we go to a friend’s house, a store, or outside, she’s as happy as can be.
Sort of. She rarely lies down these days and starts crying if I try to lay her down for diaper changes. She constantly wants to crawl, climb, and explore. She can’t sit still and gets bored of new toys within minutes (and she remembers them if I switch them out). Activity centers bore her quickly; she always wants something new.
For example, if I need to do the laundry, she cries because she’s already seen me do that, touched all the clothes, and explored the entire room. The same goes for any household task. It’s hard to describe without writing a literal book. She just wants to be out and about, seeing, touching, and talking to new things and people.
My 6-month-old has a touch of this too. She was pretty chill until about 4 months, but now she wants to be everywhere and do everything. When she’s done with something—a toy, a meal, a car ride—she is DONE. She is the wiggliest baby I’ve ever held, except when something captures her full attention. She’s always looking at things and people, needing to know what’s going on and be involved. She needs frequent changes of scenery. Not being able to crawl yet is really bothering her. Soothing herself to sleep or back to sleep isn’t happening, and getting her to slow down long enough to feed and sleep is a daily challenge.
I keep hoping it’s just a phase rather than a personality shift, but even in the womb, she was most chill when I was on the move (then came early, because this gal is a go-getter). She’ll still sit and attack her toes, watch the cat, or chew on laundry independently for a few minutes, bless her. But it’s becoming clear that I have a high-energy, curious little one who inherited my own “life’s too short to sleep” tendencies. We’ll be doing a lot of work on self-regulating and winding down together.
Basically, I’m here to say that mine might not quite be what I’d consider high needs (or maybe I’m kidding myself, lol), and it’s still EXHAUSTING. Hang in there, mama. One day soon, hopefully, she’ll be able to meet her own need for stimulation. Our feisty gals will be movers and shakers that lead one day.
Omg, the gaslighting. My parents thought my LO was the most laid-back baby until they spent the entire weekend with us. When LO started smiling and charming strangers, my parents would caution, “Don’t fall for it.” “He is a phony.” They still call him a little actor .
. I have explained to others that he is just “sensitive”
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