I’m a first-time mom to a beautiful 2-month-old boy. I’ve tried so hard to follow all the guidelines because I’m terrified that if I do something wrong, my little one will be in danger. I can’t really complain about sleep because he’s slept well since we brought him home, except for a few odd nights. We stopped swaddling on the recommendation of our first-time parent nurse, and now he won’t sleep in his bassinet anymore. I can get him to sleep, but every time I put him down, he wakes up. Even if he doesn’t wake up immediately, he does after about 30-45 minutes.
I started nursing him in the side-lying position, and he goes right to sleep. If I don’t move him, he stays asleep a little longer, which has led to me falling asleep while feeding him in bed. I would get up and try to move him to his bassinet, even trying to sleep with my hand on his belly in the bassinet, but he just wakes up. So recently, I’ve let him sleep with me, which has led to a lot of mom guilt. While I can get some sleep, I don’t sleep well because I’m so afraid. I don’t know what to do and I’m afraid I’ve now created a habit.
People often told me that if I held him while he slept, he would get spoiled, but I always pushed back, saying you can’t spoil a baby. I wanted to hold him and enjoy it while I could, but now I’m afraid maybe I was wrong and I did spoil him. I don’t know. I’m rambling now, but any advice is appreciated. I really don’t know what to do.
Edit: I’m going to try swaddling him with his Velcro swaddle but with his arms out tonight and see if it helps at all. I think it’s loose enough to leave his hips free.
You cannot properly spoil a newborn. A two-month-old needs to be held, and you are free to hold your baby as much as you like. One of the great pleasures and privileges of parenthood. Don’t worry, you haven’t developed a habit. Even if it has become a habit, you can break it at any time you desire. Did you stop swaddling because he rolled onto his belly? Have you considered an arms-free swaddle or sleep sack? My son liked them and slept in a sleep sack until he was almost two.
Yes, we stopped swaddling him because he rolled, but he always managed to get his arms out of it. We were still instructed to leave him in only a sleeper or onesie for hip mobility. (We were using velcro swaddles.)
There is a safe technique to cosleep. Please look into Safe Sleep 7. It is natural for babies to want to be close to their mother. You are everything they have known for 9 months, and they are now in a new environment, which is difficult to adjust to.
I came here to tell this, OP! Even if you don’t want to bedshare, familiarize yourself with the 7 rules and observe them if you’re breastfeeding on your side. This will perhaps reduce tension. .
Sleep regression happens, and yes, it can be tough. Remember, your baby is still very young, so patience is key. We gave in occasionally, and I can assure you, babies don’t get spoiled, but they can develop strong preferences!
Consider looking into third-party baby-safe mattresses. Our baby disliked the expensive high-tech bassinet, and I wasn’t comfortable with co-sleeping or letting the big purchase go to waste. I realized my mattress was much more comfortable than his “bunker,” so I researched and found some mattress replacement options that I felt good about.
This has helped with sleep training and eased my guilt. So, there are options out there.
Also, don’t stress your baby out with a bunch of rules designed to create “livable spaces” for every single baby. Be smart, be cautious, and do what feels right for you. Focus on the internal battles that are truly worth fighting.
His crib mattress is much more comfortable than his bassinet, but he still won’t stay down for naps there. The only place, other than my bed, where he sleeps longer than 30 minutes is his pack 'n play, which is almost as hard as the floor. I hadn’t considered a sleep regression, but with all the new things he’s doing right now, that could be the reason!
Two months seems a bit young to stop swaddling. We didn’t stop until our baby was fully rolling over, as swaddling helped him feel more secure. We tried stopping too early and ended up swaddling him again. Those Velcro swaddlers can be used under his arms, providing comfort even if you want to let him have his arms free (though two months still seems young to me).
We started teething at three months, but two months would be quite early! You can also take his sleep sacks and wrap them around your neck while doing chores like dishes or laundry to transfer your scent to them. We also let our baby sleep with his cozy burp rags. He likes having something around his face, which I’ve read is common with babies, I tell myself he misses the umbilical cord .
It feels like you’re reading my mind! I went through the exact same thing five months ago. I tried everything, like putting my hand on my daughter in the bassinet, but she’d still wake up after 45 minutes. Desperate and exhausted, I moved her to bed with me, and bam, she slept for 7 hours straight.
Bed-sharing often gets a bad rap in the U.S., but when done safely, it can be a blessing for both mom and baby. I didn’t sleep well at first because I was worried, but it gets better, I promise, especially as the baby gets stronger and starts rolling. If you need co-sleeping to survive, don’t feel guilty. Just follow the Safe Sleep 7 guidelines:
Use a firm mattress on the floor, no bed frame, rails, blankets, or pillows.
Make sure there’s enough space for everyone (my husband even moved to the guest room because I’m paranoid, lol).
You can have your pillow, but remove the pillowcase if it’s loose.
Keep your blanket away from the baby.
Keep the room at 72-73°F.
Use a sleep sack instead of swaddling.
Co-sleeping can be a lifesaver if done right. And about spoiling the baby (with all due respect to the older generation that insists on this), it’s nonsense. You cannot spoil a baby. Worry about spoiling your baby once they are old enough to complete a full sentence.
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