I woke up at 5:30 this morning to my baby, who is in the middle of that infamous four-month sleep regression, screaming her head off because she’s tired and frustrated from having such a hard time falling asleep. My husband, who was awake with me the entire time, is back at work, and I have this cranky, restless baby all by myself today.
It hit me that this is the least amount of responsibility I’ve had in… a decade? Maybe more? I had such a rough childhood and young adulthood, filled with a family dealing with serious mental illness and addiction problems, significant child neglect, a lot of death, the legal system, and more than I can even remember. I worked for two years to get this baby, including cleaning up my life and creating a safe, stable, calm place to raise a baby, and now it feels like everything is a cakewalk.
Of course, babies are really hard. I’m going through all the same new parent emotions as anyone else. Some days I feel like I’m completely out of my mind from being tired or because the baby was extra demanding that day. But no one is ODing, no one is dead, everyone is safe and happy, my daughter has two parents who love each other and her, and we can fix all of her problems with like five things.
I feel like all I heard before having a baby was that this was going to be the most stressful thing I’d ever go through, how I didn’t know what tired was yet, how I’d have to sacrifice so much for a baby… and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Is there anyone else here who’s had this experience? Did anyone else feel like having a baby was a reprieve?
I feel like I’ve experienced a similar experience, though on a smaller scale. My husband and I had many chats about how delighted we are to provide our daughter with a tranquil environment with two parents who love her and each other.
I believe my life has a meaning. Like I used to live for less, yeah, we loved life more to some extent, but now everything has a deeper meaning, everything we do counts because we do it for him, so we can grow as people and be good role models for our kid.
Absolutely. I was actually surprised at how simple it is to have a baby at home, because my job life is so demanding that I could take a break from it for a bit.
Absolutely! Growing up, my life was fine, but taking a break from work? That was truly life-changing.
It made me rethink my entire career. Now that I’m back, I’m setting strong boundaries to protect my home life. For the two years leading up to having my baby, I was so stressed that I felt like I wasn’t really living. I even spent one birthday just decompressing on the couch because I had no mental or social energy to go out for dinner. My poor husband kept checking in, saying, “Are you sure? It’s your birthday, we should do something… Our friends would love to see you - I’ll set the whole thing up,” and I was just like, “No. Couch. Also, stop talking.”
I regret sacrificing my life like that for so long. I’m determined not to do it again. No amount of money is worth it, especially now that I’d be missing out on my son’s life too. Fortunately, we have some financial cushion and I have career options. If my new boundaries get me fired, I don’t care. But I’m not going to lie, resisting the pressure is tough, and I’ve only been back for a few weeks.
I’m also completely rethinking how I’ll approach work when I return. I used to be a complete workaholic, burying myself in work to escape my troubles at home, but now I actually want to be home for a change. The same goes for me when it comes to creating solid boundaries at work. I work in biotechnology, and the employment market is now awful, so I have time to consider my options before returning to the labor.
Oof, I’m also in the biotech sector, and it’s bleak. Growing up, I had a dreadful home situation, but as an adult, I’ve constructed a happy life with my spouse and puppy. But, ideally, with the baby here, we will both reconsider how we approach work. Unfortunately, we need to work to support our family!
I’m in a really fortunate position where I can wait out the market for a bit. Not forever, but for a while. I figure this also affords me the rare opportunity to avoid having to explain a hiatus in employment, which means I won’t have to mention having a baby in an interview.
In a different way. Prior to having my son, my career was extremely stressful and draining. I’m definitely more sleep deprived now, but a lot less anxious. I feel like I’m rediscovering myself now that I just have one demanding person in my life instead of a million!
During the newborn phase, I felt at ease because I had no responsibilities other than caring for the baby and preparing meals for my husband and myself. There were no employees to worry about or media to monitor, which was a blessing.
Now I’m back at work, juggling it with an eight-month-old.
The benefit of having a messed-up past and a poisonous family is that I know precisely what this baby requires, since I know what I lacked as a child. Lol
For real. During the pregnancy, I was reading parenting books and had to put them down for weeks at a time because they made me angry about how neglected my sister and I were as children. I’ll probably never stop being furious at my youthful self for missing out on all of the things that children deserve.
I used to work as a nurse in critical care, specifically in a neurotrauma ICU unit, and I also worked in a COVID ICU during the height of the pandemic. I witnessed so much death, and even when patients survived, many didn’t have good outcomes. During that time, I was also dealing with a lot in my personal life and was in weekly therapy after contemplating driving my car into a cement median on the freeway.
My daughter is pretty easygoing, even though she rarely sleeps more than three hours at night. Plus, she’s a lot more enjoyable than most patients I had . Motherhood is challenging at times, but it’s nothing compared to my life a few years ago. I do wonder how resilient and strong I’d be without that experience—maybe motherhood would feel a lot harder without it. Ultimately, I’m thankful for that experience, although I never want to relive it again, lol.
I have no doubt that those years prepared you for this. That’s an incredible amount of stress. My mom was in the ICU with end-stage alcoholic liver disease during the height of the COVID shutdown in 2020, so I was talking to a lot of medical staff during that month before my sister and I took her off life support. I also worked in biotech at the time, so I was considered an essential worker and went in every day. We were all under so much pressure during that time that it almost doesn’t feel real. It was a life-altering snapshot into your lives as medical professionals. I’m so glad you were in therapy; it was my lifeline during that time as well. If you’re anything like me, what happened during those years was that I was under so much insurmountable pressure that my self-care had to become top-notch in order to survive. Those habits carried me through and held over even after, so now my stress tolerance is incredibly high.
Many people suffered greatly during the epidemic years. I wish that hadn’t happened, but I’m grateful for the strength I needed, I suppose? It’s incredible how much has changed since then; at the time, I didn’t even consider having children since I was so burned out. Congratulations on becoming a mother and creating a better life for both yourself and your child.
. Motherhood is challenging at times, but it’s nothing compared to my life a few years ago. I do wonder how resilient and strong I’d be without that experience—maybe motherhood would feel a lot harder without it. Ultimately, I’m thankful for that experience, although I never want to relive it again, lol.