My 4-week-old son wants boob all day. Yesterday, he fed for four hours straight, and I was about to pull my hair. My breasts were tender, and he was violently tugging on them, which made me feel terrible for him.
He cried every time I set him down, and he screamed bloody murder when I changed his diaper and onesie. He becomes red in the face and stops breathing, which is really distressing.
I called my spouse (who was on the night shift) in tears. He ended up coming home, and we talked about how I was feeling. I stated that I no longer feel like I am a separate person; it feels like he is watching over me at all times.
He told me he wanted me to take a break, so he took him for four hours and gave him formula. I had a good rest till my spouse walked in and stated he was refusing the bottle.
My boobs take at least 4 hours to feel full and hard, but they only feed every 2 hours. I have lactation cookies and take supplements, so I don’t know what else to do. Pumping feels pointless because I’m just extracting milk that he could be feeding from anyhow.
Just an FYI, your breasts don’t have to feel firm and hard to have milk. When I regulated, my breasts rarely felt engorged or firm and were usually soft.
Cluster feeding is your baby’s way of increasing your supply. It’s tough, but if you want to breastfeed, it’s what you have to do. That means you might not have much milk now, and your baby is signaling to your body that they need more. The more you supplement, the less your baby tells your body to make.
Take breaks, soothe your baby in other ways, use a pacifier, or hand them off to dad to try bottles again. And it’s perfectly okay if you decide not to breastfeed. You can work with your baby on bottles, or syringe/spoon feed until they take them. A visit to a lactation consultant might be worth considering.
I wish there was more in-depth instruction on breast feeding, especially because doctors promote it so aggressively.
Because I agree with all you’ve said. Cluster feeding is one of the most difficult periods for a breastfeeding/pumping mother since it feels never-ending. However, it is necessary for our bodies to learn what constitutes an adequate amount for our offspring.
It’s almost criminal that most women aren’t taught the most basic component of breast feeding.
Just chiming in—at the beginning, my breasts felt uncomfortably firm. As my body and baby got more proficient at breastfeeding, that mostly went away. It’s better for them to be somewhat soft; the slack lets the baby find better purchase on the nipple.
Try to find something fun to do (tv? Phone scrolling?) to make it more enjoyable. I liked cluster feeds because I’m such a couch potato. It felt like free reign to wrap myself in pillows and blankets, have water brought to me like I’m an empress, and just binge-watch The Office.
Sometimes my baby just wants to hang out on the breast, which I’m usually fine with, but if I need to go to the bathroom or my legs are antsy, I’ll detach him and he won’t cry. If the baby is crying, he’s still hungry.
I mean it all very nicely and in unity. At 4 weeks, your baby may be cluster feeding, which works to increase your supply. The best method for this to happen is to keep them as close to the breast as possible. I understand that you do not feel like a human or your own person right now. I understand. I understand how hard it is. But it gets easier, I swear. You can do it. Keep going, mother. Trust your intuition. It’s fine to take pauses, of course! Your mental wellness is really essential. But you can do it. I know you can.
I just want to second this and say that this stage goes by so fast. My baby is 20 weeks now, and I honestly barely remember this stage, just that it was incredibly intense and hard. It gets so much better!
If you can, try not to worry about supply, frequent breastfeeding will increase your supply. Pumping and formula might seem like easier solutions, but they can make your life harder in the long run. I know it feels unfair and unequal, and it just kind of is, but it’s also temporary.
Is there any way you can have someone help you when your husband isn’t home? Breastfeeding was more than a full-time job in the early days, and I needed my husband to do basically everything else for me.
You’re doing amazing, and I promise you, you’re going to blink and this phase will be over. Yes, they do sometimes cluster feed later, but it’s different. My baby is 4.5 months now, and I love breastfeeding, but it was so hard at first.
Headphones (simply keeping one earbud in and swapping ears when the battery died, then charging the other) got me through cluster feeding. I discovered podcasts with years of episodes to binge, followed up on weekly episodes of my favorites, and listened to a lot of audio novels. It made me feel more like myself. I’ve always liked to read fiction in print, but autobiographies on audiobook are fantastic. Especially if it’s the author reading it, because it’s essentially their life narrative. It effectively cut through the endlessness and loneliness. We’re also having fun beverages. There are plenty of drinks and popsicles to look forward to at various times of the day.
I felt the same way and just passed that phase (I’m 7 weeks today). Please keep going even if you believe you’re not feeding him enough in your nipple; having him on there will increase over time. Are you pumping?
Also, contact a lactation consultant; they can perform a weighted feed to ensure he is getting something. Stay strong, mama.
Weighted feeds are quite significant. It was how I discovered that my body was starving my daughter, which was why she was constantly on the boob and I had to convert to formula.
When my baby is like that (she’s 12 weeks today but still sometimes wants to nurse for hours, though it happens less now), I remove her from my breasts if she gets aggressive for more than 2 minutes and wear her in a wrap. She usually falls asleep quickly; the close contact helps a lot. Then, I offer her to eat as soon as she wakes up, and she’s much more relaxed. By the way, my baby likes to nurse to help her poop too and can get aggressive in this situation. I do the same (remove her, wrap her), and she relaxes fast—her belly against mine, feeling the warmth, calms her.
For long sessions, before you start nursing him, make sure you have a comfy chair, your phone/TV/book, a phone charger, food, drinks, and anything else you need. I have 2 nursing stations and try to keep them always ready. I now have a nice Duolingo streak because of my baby .
Be proud of what you’re doing; it’s hard, but your baby is telling your body, in his way, what he needs. It’s amazing that you can communicate together like that!
Yes, they do sometimes cluster feed later, but it’s different. My baby is 4.5 months now, and I love breastfeeding, but it was so hard at first.