I updated it to include two spaces instead of one. Actually, I’m going to rewrite it again (this time on a PC rather than a phone) and add bullet points.
I feel like it’s rarely a sudden change. Self-soothing and independent sleep are skills that your little one needs to learn. If you focus on building these skills, it’s easier to tolerate the more challenging nights.
We have a high sleep-need kid, so overall, this hasn’t been a huge struggle for us since about 4 months old. However, we still had months where the entire house was sick, and the only way to get our kid to sleep was to cuddle with them. Our kid also sleeps poorly if they’re about to wake up with a dozen new skills, and we’ve gone through several sleep regressions.
Basically, these skills improve pretty consistently over time, and you have some control over teaching them in an age-appropriate way. The extent to which these skills are sufficient for the current circumstances can be quite variable and largely out of your control. Use the latter as a learning opportunity to focus on the former.
Perhaps I worded this question poorly, but I wanted to offer folks the opportunity to describe what “skill-building” they did to help lead and encourage their child to sleep independently. Of course, I understand that I cannot simply place the infant in his crib, say goodnight, and leave. Do you have any suggestions for which abilities should be worked on to encourage independent sleep?
Being soothed to sleep by a guardian (shushing, rocking, singing) and then transferred to the crib asleep.
Being put in the crib after being soothed but before they are asleep. Give 3-10 minutes for them to settle themselves. As the child gets better at self-soothing, do less soothing yourself, and maybe give them more time (10-20 minutes) to try to fall asleep on their own.
Putting the child in the crib after the bedtime routine and walking away.
There’s nothing really to it, but it isn’t linear. Our kid was putting himself to bed for a month, and then the whole household got RSV, and we were back to contact napping.
In practice, it comes down to reading your kid and the situation each night and making a game-time decision about how much soothing they need and how you can meet those needs. We got better at reading his cues and having strategies for getting him down when he’s overtired, feverish, or congested.
There are many intangibles you can’t control that make every night a little different. Every child is unique and rapidly changing. There’s no universal right way to do it; you just do your best to give your kid opportunities to practice being more independent and step in to support if they start getting frustrated. Soothing looks are different for everyone and varies at different times. There are still patterns to pick up on, but it’s a very dynamic and unique process.
