I had fed her, burped her, and changed her diaper. I even tried rocking her to sleep, but she just kept kicking and screaming. I started feeling overstimulated, so I had to put her down in her bouncer. She kept crying, her little voice shaking, and when I saw her tears, it broke my heart. After 10 minutes, she finally calmed down, and I picked her up.
I know about Erikson’s trust vs. mistrust stage, which is crucial during infancy. Babies are learning whether or not they can trust the world around them, primarily through their caregivers’ responses. When we respond to their needs, whether it’s feeding, changing, or simply offering comfort, they learn that they can rely on us. This builds a foundation of trust, which is essential for their emotional development.
That’s why I feel so guilty about letting her cry. I know how important it is to pick her up when she needs me, to show her that she’s not alone and that I’m there for her. But in that moment, I was just so overwhelmed. I needed a break to calm down and reset, both for her sake and mine.
I keep reminding myself that I’m only human and I can’t be perfect all the time. But it’s hard not to feel like I let her down, even for those few minutes.
I am a twin. When I asked my mother how she managed two premature infants, she said she prioritized based on who cried harder, and the other only had to wait a minute. She laughs that my brother was usually crying louder.
Sometimes it’s unavoidable to cry for 10 minutes. You respond to her 99 percent of the time. She’ll be fine!
I’m also a twin and my brother had colic… no idea how my mom handled it the universe knew to bless me with one child for now since I’d surely get over stimulated.
If 10 minutes of weeping harmed a baby’s attachment, capacity to trust, or emotional condition, there would be no such thing as an emotionally stable human. It hurts to watch our children cry, but this wasn’t about leaving a newborn for hours. She’ll be alright. Take it easy on yourself.
Seconded. Sometimes you simply need to do something - like cook a quick meal, which is perilous with a baby on a hot stove - or cry in the shower for a few minutes to collect your thoughts and remind yourself why it’s worth it.
During the first 5 months of my second child’s life, he struggled with car rides due to our rural location and lengthy distances. So I spent a lot of time listening to him cry while powerless to do anything! He’s currently 10 months old and completely fine, the happiest baby ever. Definitely not emotionally affected in the least!
She’s OK, and so are you. 10 minutes will not cause any harm. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s safer to put her down. You did nothing wrong. Breathe; you’ll be OK.
That Russian orphanage study has caused so much unnecessary stress for parents. Yes, chronic neglect can cause brain damage in babies and lead to insecure attachment styles, but letting a baby cry for 10 minutes here and there is not going to cause any lasting damage.
Remember: dose makes the poison. Drinking too much water can kill you, but water is also essential for life. Babies left alone day in and day out can develop attachment problems, but a baby crying alone for 10 minutes is perfectly fine.
Sorry if I’m coming off as combative. I’m just so frustrated with this internet myth that makes parents feel like they’re failing if their baby cries for any reason. The infant stage is already so hard and stressful, and great parents end up driving themselves crazy thinking they’re damaging their babies by not picking them up immediately. You’re doing a great job. Please don’t make this harder on yourself than it needs to be. What you did was exactly the right thing, and it’s sad that you’re feeling stressed about doing the right thing.
You’ve described it properly, and I believe being aggressive is beneficial in this scenario.
This internet-fueled fear about how any crying in an otherwise well-cared-for baby will hurt them for the rest of their lives is extremely detrimental to new parents. This is why some new mothers avoid showering, eating, and suffer from poor mental health.
I completely agree with you. When I found out I was having a baby, the biggest stressor for me was the idea that I’d have to give up all autonomy because of this internet trend. I was horrified every time a (usually woman) parent would tell me that I’d have to give up basic autonomy like going to the bathroom or showering alone. The book “Hunt, Gather, Parent” was a total game-changer for me in terms of how to approach parenting young children. I highly recommend it to anyone with a child in their life.
I also worry about what this brand of “Attachment Parenting” does to children. I fear that many of these kids might grow up to be unempathetic and self-centered because their parents are teaching them that their immediate comfort is the top priority. What happens when a child believes that their wants and needs are more important than the basic hygiene and self-care of another person?
I strongly recommend Loop earplugs for this stage…I become overstimulated, and these were lifesavers during the purple crying phase! They now have a ton of great alternatives, but I only have the originals…you can still hear, it just decreases the decibel level somewhat.
I fully agree. I used to put on my AirPods, play some fitness music, and bounce the baby on the yoga ball. The yoga ball saved me because my baby has always been really active.
the universe knew to bless me with one child for now since I’d surely get over stimulated.