To the mom at her first well visit,
Today as I walked out of my baby’s 9 month visit, you were walking in to what I could tell was your first. Your sweet baby was tiny, you were in tears. The nurse carried the car seat behind you as you struggled to keep yourself composed.
In the moment we passed in the hallway, I wanted so badly to stop you and say “this was me 9 months ago. I’ve been where you are. I felt what you feel.” I wanted so badly to stop and hug you, wipe your snot, and fix your glasses. Tell the nurse to take a lap with the sleeping babe and just give us a minute. Because I felt your hurt. Deep in the depths of PPD and PPA I remember sitting in the very same waiting room thinking “how the fuck am I supposed to act like I’m okay?”
I see your tears. They are nothing to be ashamed of. I see your fear. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
I kept walking with my squirmy little 9 month old who wanted a cracker. I kept walking down the hall that once felt like an endless void. I walk to the car with the baby I wept over night after night in fear of something happening to him. I drive to the store with him to look at ornaments and see the world I was paralyzed with fear to take him into.
Miller said:
Now I’m crying! I remember crying in the pediatrician office on my first well visit. Oh the newborn trenches
I know it’s only been 9 months, but it takes so little to get me back to that place. I can feel that person I was so deeply. I have so much compassion for her now. I wish I could have been that person for myself.
Miller said:
Now I’m crying! I remember crying in the pediatrician office on my first well visit. Oh the newborn trenches
I cried too! Breastfeeding was so hard and the first question was like, “how are you feeding your baby” and I just started crying and pretty much never stopped.
Now I’m crying just remembering it. Those hormones are a doozy. A couple weeks later I saw a couple looking lost and obviously in need of the newborn clinic and I was glad I could help them out.
Miller said:
Now I’m crying! I remember crying in the pediatrician office on my first well visit. Oh the newborn trenches
I cried too! I’d tried so hard to keep it together but at one point during the appointment, my eyes started welling up with tears. The doctor subtly handed me a box of tissues and that opened the flood gates. I had really bad PPA and it was incredibly isolating and hard.
This is beautiful motherhood is both incredibly isolating but also makes you part of one of the largest communities on earth. Yet it is so easy to feel alone and like we can’t share how we truly feel with other moms, especially when we’re trying to make friends. I’m guilty of it, asking how someone is when I can see the bags under her eyes as she says “oh, fine” and I say the same when the pleasantry is returned. We don’t want to sound like we’re bragging if our baby is “easier” than our friend’s. We don’t want to trauma dump. We don’t want to burden someone dealing with their own stuff. It’s so hard just to be honest and vulnerable. That’s why I love this sub so much
My first visit, 3 days after baby, I was a mess. In the waiting room I snapped at my husband about the paperwork and then felt immediately bad. When we finally got back I couldn’t sit or stand comfortably thanks to the sutures, in a hoodie and sweat pants, the first time being outside in days, I just couldn’t not cry. The nurse came in and hugged me. A tight hug like you give to a long lost family member and said “it’s ok honey I got you”. I melted into her arms and couldn’t stop crying. That release and her kindness was all I needed at that moment. She tried to explain to my husband what was happening after the fact and I apologized for being snippy but her kindness was all I needed in that moment when neither of us knew what the hell to do.
Good on you new moms, hang in there, it gets better!!
Dakota said:
It is honestly such bs they make you drag your worn out ass with a brand new baby to the doctors office in the first few days of life.
Makes me jealous of people in the UK that get the home visits!
In NZ we get home visits until 6 weeks, I went to the doctor for the first time when my bubba was six weeks and broke down crying and she was worried about how everything was going and I was like it’s all fine I have support I love my baby I don’t know why I am crying. Felt so embarrassing because I really had no idea why I was crying. Hormones are wild!
@Hale
Australia too. I bawled when the midwife came to see me for my four week visit last week, because she was asking the questions about whether you’re safe and supported. I am; I was crying for the women who need to be asked that because they’re not safe and supported, and my hormonal self couldn’t bear it.
@Zev
Yeah when they asked me about that I started tearing up because I felt so sad that some women are in danger and don’t feel safe. (Part of the tearing up was knowing that I am so lucky to have a husband that makes me feel so safe and loved.)
They made sure to ask me at every visit, like I am so glad they are checking and would help if needed I just wish they didn’t have to check
@Hale
That too! They asked about whether my husband is helpful and supportive and I howled “he’s sensational! ” while thinking of all of the terrible dads there are.
This is also me. I’m that mom ugly crying at the pediatrician, on the sofa at home, in bed, while feeding my 12 day old son, and while reading your post.
I don’t want anyone else to feel this way, but it does help knowing I’m not alone.
Thank you
motherhood is both incredibly isolating but also makes you part of one of the largest communities on earth. Yet it is so easy to feel alone and like we can’t share how we truly feel with other moms, especially when we’re trying to make friends. I’m guilty of it, asking how someone is when I can see the bags under her eyes as she says “oh, fine” and I say the same when the pleasantry is returned. We don’t want to sound like we’re bragging if our baby is “easier” than our friend’s. We don’t want to trauma dump. We don’t want to burden someone dealing with their own stuff. It’s so hard just to be honest and vulnerable. That’s why I love this sub so much 
