Struggling with my sex life after having a baby

My husband and I had a fantastic sex life before our baby arrived. Now that she is three months old, I’m feeling lost. I had a third-degree tear and underwent surgery seven weeks postpartum, which already delayed things. Now, it feels like our baby can sense when things start to heat up; she wakes up and needs to be fed, so we obviously have to stop. I really miss having sex. My husband is wonderful and makes sure I’m taken care of, so I just need some advice on how to keep the romance alive now that we have a new baby.

I also missed sex a lot, so I understand how you feel. We have a 2.5-month-old, and I had my gallbladder removed seven weeks postpartum, so it was a long wait for us as well. We were intimate for the first time yesterday after five months.

We planned it right after feeding her and putting her down for a nap. We made sure to use the baby monitor, which allowed us to have a solid 30 minutes together, complete with cuddles. We even watched a full two-hour movie afterward while she slept.

I know we’ll need to learn to sneak in quickies, but I recommend engaging right after a feeding while the baby is asleep.

@Lucas
Hi, sorry to interrupt. I had a high-risk pregnancy too and I have gallstones. My little one is four months old now, and I’m nervous about needing surgery.

I’m almost eight months postpartum and feel completely asexual. I have no desire for sex at all. My partner and I also had a very active sex life before the baby, so it’s odd for me to feel this way. I wish I knew how to handle it…

It should improve as she gets older and starts sleeping longer stretches. Eventually, she’ll be in her own room if she isn’t already. A good baby monitor can help too; just get a little creative.

We’ve only been intimate once in the past 18 months, and honestly, we’re okay. We ensure we still cuddle, kiss, hug, and flirt throughout the day. Sex is great, but it can wait until we can dedicate time to it.

At night, make sure to be more engaging than usual during the wake window. Feed the baby, put them down in a safe space outside your bedroom, and don’t take too long, lol.

My wife and I have two little ones (now 18 months and 3 years)… We face the same struggle. Friends with older kids always tell me that the first two to four years can be really tough for your sex life.

I didn’t struggle too much, but I still found sex tough three months postpartum. Now that I’m six months postpartum, my body is finally okay with it occasionally.
Just remember, letting your body heal is priority number one. Find a flow and just go with it if interruptions happen. Laugh about it and cherish those moments. It won’t last forever, and you’ll miss all that baby attention when she grows up. My baby started sleeping better after vaccinations at three months, but every baby is different. By six months, she’ll likely sleep longer hours. You’ve got this, mom!

@Larkin
I experienced something similar. My body just took a long time to heal after birth. My stitches took almost three months to feel okay, which made things tough. We managed an overnight getaway for Valentine’s, but it’s really hard the first year. Once the baby sleeps through the night, everything gets easier!

Things are only going to improve! Eventually, your baby will allow you some time alone. Be prepared for quickies since the time for long sessions might be limited.

My advice is to take the baby monitor and set aside time for you and your husband in the spare bedroom or on the couch after putting the baby down. It’s hard to find time in the first six months, so quickies might be your best bet. My husband and I even used our walk-in closet when our toddler was still in our room. I’m thankful she now sleeps in her own room; it was a tough two years.

Our son is 1 year and 9 months old. My wife and I had oral (just for her) once in the first year, then again after the first year, and we finally had intercourse (which was pretty vanilla) after 1.5 years.

It’s tough, and you’re definitely not alone.

Intimacy comes in many forms. Reconnect in different ways! Take your time and don’t rush it.

If you both want to reconnect, don’t let the other comments bring you down. Be ready for some long stretches; it might be too early to know what to expect, but most babies will eventually fall into a routine, whether you want it or not.

Try masturbation together, watch each other, and exchange oral sex. Use nudes to tease during the day. There are plenty of ways to enjoy each other without full sex. Then, you can have the main event when the time feels right. Good luck!

Our sex life improved after we sleep-trained and moved the baby to her own room when she was around four months old. We finally caught up on sleep since she now sleeps 11 hours straight. We feel less pressure to crash right when she goes down. Now, she goes down at 8 PM, and we can trust she’ll sleep until at least 6 AM, usually 7:30, so we can enjoy some time together.

It gets better with time and when the baby sleeps more soundly. Before that, we prioritized making out for five minutes every day to stay connected physically while I was becoming comfortable with sex postpartum (which didn’t feel good until three months passed). It’s a great way to keep the connection alive; who doesn’t love a good make-out session?

I’m in a similar boat. My son just turned one, and we have sex maybe once a week. My boyfriend often wakes up in a bad mood and takes it out on me. When I bring it up, he acts like he doesn’t even remember and I’m hesitant to discuss it with anyone since it could get back to him and he would just blow up at me for talking about it. I can’t communicate with him without him getting angry.

@Kai
It sounds like he might be gaslighting you. I hope you can explain to him that he needs to set a better example for your son.