Scary moment I can’t get over

Mental Health Forum
1

TW: Thought for a few seconds my baby was not breathing or responsive.

I can’t get this moment out of my head and need advice on how to move forward.

I was driving with my 6-month-old daughter in her car seat. We had driven for about 30 minutes, and it was nap time, so I expected her to fall asleep. I was checking on her in a mirror, and she was awake until she suddenly looked like she had a thousand-yard stare or was asleep with her eyes open.

She hasn’t really fallen asleep with her eyes fully open before, just partially. I usually tap her gently on the head, and she closes her eyes or blinks and resumes staring as she falls asleep.

I reached behind me and tapped her as I was slowing to a red light. She didn’t move at all. I freaked out a little and shook the car seat as I came to a complete stop. No reaction at all. I panicked and stuck my hand onto her chest under the restraint and shook her body for about 3-4 seconds until she came to and started to cry. It was long enough for me to fully form the thought, “my baby is dead.” And now I’m crying again writing this. It happened about 24 hours ago.

I pulled into a nearby parking lot and hands-free dialed my partner. I was crying, my baby was crying, and I got her out of her car seat and held her until I felt safe to drive again. During that time, we decided, based on some Googling, that she was likely in deep REM sleep and took a bit more to wake up. She stopped crying as soon as I picked her up and was totally her normal self. I considered the possibility of an absence seizure, but I was able to “wake her,” so it didn’t seem to fit.

Honestly, she’s been such an easy baby—healthy, happy, and lovely. Even though she took 6 years and a lot of heartbreak to make, I’m not overly anxious with her, and we haven’t had anything scary happen in her first 6 months of life.

I’m just not sure how to get over this new fear and the vision of what happened with her non-responsive, open eyes. Do I need to seek therapy, or is this a parenting thing that just happens? Should I take her to a doctor anyway? I’ve basically not slept because I’ve been watching her so closely, and she’s been completely normal.

How do I recover from this?

Update: I reached out to my province’s nurse line. They always end up telling you to go to the doctor (in my experience), probably because they don’t want to say it’s fine and then it ends up being serious. I just thought I could tell my doctor they advised me to come in (since he seems to think I’m an anxious first-time mom because I asked if she was hitting milestones fast enough). Anyway, they told me to go to the emergency room, so that’s where I am now. I’ll worry about my own mental health once someone confirms my baby is okay.

2

I’m so sorry that happened. That seems terrifying. I don’t have any specific medical advice, but I would take her to the doctor if only to offer you some peace of mind moving forward.

3

Thank you; I suppose that’s what I will do. I expected to feel better today, but I don’t.

4

I’m sure everything will be fine, but I’m delighted you’re thinking about talking to the doctor. It might be a huge relief to hear it from them.

5

That sounds frightening! So glad everything is fine… I am not sure if there is a way to get it out of your head.

I believe speaking with a pediatrician is a good idea to ensure that nothing is wrong, and that it may help alleviate your legitimate concerns.

Maybe taking shorter drives more frequently (in areas where pulling over quickly is easy, such as a neighborhood) can help you establish confidence that it won’t happen again?

6

That’s a great idea. Boost your confidence again. Thank you :slightly_smiling_face:

7

I would honestly contact a therapist. This event sounds extremely similar to when I observed my brother’s motorcycle accident. It gave me PTSD. Fortunately, PTSD from a single incidence is far easier to treat than Complex PTSD, which results from repeated/sustained stress.

You’re likely to “get over it” on your own, but a mental health expert can help you get there faster.

8

I agree with others that she should see a pediatrician. They will figure out what happened, but these kind of incidents are common and, in the vast majority of cases, are not cause for concern. However, a doctor will ask you a few additional questions and do some tests to ensure that everything is in order.

Based on the facts you provided, it appears that this was a BRUE (Brief Resolved Unexplained Event). The majority of cases have no underlying reason, and babies seldom experience further episodes. A doctor would most likely ask you further questions and do a few tests to rule out a significant underlying reason. You will feel reassured after this.

9

My son, who is almost a year old, has been having episodes that we now call “baby thoughts.” This started around 7 months, when he gets a focused gaze and doesn’t respond when I call him, gently tap him, shake him, or wave my hand across his vision. I always check his chest to make sure he’s breathing (my biggest fear), and usually by the second, more frantic attempt, a bigger shake or a few loud claps saying his name, he snaps out of it. He’s usually just hyper-focused on something. Yesterday, there was a shadow on the ground during our walk. Last week in the car, there was a beam of light on the edge of the window. The doctor wasn’t concerned, but I still panic every time.

10

I think the key is to “move on” rather than “get over” this. It’s always better to be safe and overreact than to underreact. My little one is getting very interested in sitting up lately, and we had an incident recently where I thought she was just sleepy. I’ll never know if she was halfway to being passed out from positional asphyxiation. For my own sanity, I needed to tag that as a “be more careful next time” moment and be glad I was paying close attention. I’ve made a note to find a good “tell” for when she’s just deeply sleeping, like placing a hand on her chest to check for breathing or triggering a reflex.