I am struggling so much with the newborn phase. I am exhausted and my baby is always crying. I love her so much, and I’m sure that I’m getting bad postpartum depression, but has anyone ever regretted having their baby and then been fine later on? I love her, but I just want to sleep and relax and go back to my old life. I feel so terrible about this and feel like a bad mom. Please anyone who has had this, share your experiences.
Honestly, it passes. In the early days, it can feel like a dark cloud looming overhead. You’ve just gone through the most significant shift of your life; it won’t feel great all the time right away. Even after 7 years and 7 months, my children continue to make me feel this way. All being stated, speaking with your doctor may be beneficial. You are not alone; most mothers, if they are honest with themselves, have felt this way at some point.
Wow, “All consuming dark cloud” really spoke to me. However, my little child is now 5 months old, and things are improving by the day.
I really regretted having my baby so early on. I sobbed a lot about it. I’m 9 months postpartum and lot happier; I no longer have regrets.
This gives me hope. I’m just over three months pregnant, and while I adore my boy, I’m often anxious. I get so sad and feel confined. I miss my cheerful, carefree self so badly. I despise having to perform housework nonstop for hours on end. And while my spouse takes over when he gets home from work, I still can’t shake the anxiety or find time to unwind on a regular basis. I keep telling myself that it will get better, but I don’t have any real proof.
I’m also just over 3 million pp, and I can identify to all you mentioned. I’m going to talk to my doctor about starting antidepressants next week because my anxiety is becoming difficult to handle. I can’t sleep even when the baby naps, and after some counseling, I believe I have postpartum OCD. I hope things improve for you soon!
I absolutely understand; this is extremely similar to my personal experience. It became much simpler for me as my baby grew older and more autonomous. I didn’t worry as much about how my husband cared for her, and I was able to sleep on occasion while he did. She still gets up around twice a night, but it’s lot easier now that I’m not so sleep deprived. Just a little sleep-deprived. 
I wish I could hug you. This might feel “normal,” but it should absolutely be looked into. Do you have anyone helping out, anyone willing to do nighttime feedings so you can sleep? The amount of sleep you get is directly correlated with PPD, especially in the first year. People need a minimum of 6 hours per night to avoid hallucinations.
My good friend had a son who was a terrible sleeper—wouldn’t sleep unless he was on his mother in a specific rocking chair, would vomit everything he ate and cry for more. She was essentially trapped in that rocking chair for hours a day, with no sleep and barely a break. She started having very scary thoughts about harming herself and the baby. It came to a head when her father was visiting, and she said, “Don’t leave me alone with the baby, Dad, promise me you won’t.” That’s when it clicked that something was seriously wrong. She was diagnosed with postpartum OCD. After that, the whole family banded together to watch her and the baby, and it got better.
There is help and hope, but you need a village. Have your partner, if they’re around, find people who can help you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Me! I honestly believed I would never be happy again and that I had ruined our life. I cried every day. Anyway, my first son is now two years old, and I am sitting here with him and my baby, back in the trenches lol. I can honestly say that things have improved dramatically, and I cannot image my life without my sons. The second newborn phase has also been significantly improved.
It’s wonderful to hear the second newborn phase is better; I’ve only heard the reverse, but I’m confident that the second round will be less stressful in terms of the newborn phase. Balancing a toddler and baby scares the heck out of me, haha.
Yes, I felt this way too. After my baby was born, I struggled with regret and had to grieve my old life. Fast forward to now—he’s 8 months old. I love being a mom and love being HIS mom. I love him more than anything and enjoy our time together.
I still miss having unlimited “me” time, but now that he’s older, my partner can take care of him for a couple of hours, and I can relax. There are more opportunities to spend time away because he’s at an age where he can be separate from me. He can play independently (with supervision, but I don’t have to be 100% interacting all the time). We get 2 naps a day (about 1.5 hours each), and he sleeps from about 8:30-9pm to 8:30-9am.
The newborn phase is honestly torture. But it gets so much better. Don’t feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Your whole life has changed. Having a newborn is the hardest thing in the world. Give yourself grace and ask for help when/if you need it, if it’s available to you.
When did he stop wanting so much attention? My 5.5. Mo is constantly seeking attention, lol. It’s so difficult to get things done.
Maybe 6-7 months? I set him up with toys in a baby-proof area so that I can go clean the dishes while he remains in my line of sight. He did start crawling at 5.5 months, though, which I believe helped him become more independent.
When my baby turned 3 weeks old, we got a night nanny because we were struggling to handle things by ourselves. The nanny was perfect in every way, except she never woke me up to pump because she thought I needed my sleep. We continued this way for 3 weeks because she was our only option.
So, for 3 weeks, I managed to get 4-6 hours of sleep each night, only to be woken by my husband with a “she’s up,” and my daily response would be, “Who? Who’s up?” Then my brain would wake up, reality would flood in, and I’d feel a sense of dread and overwhelming responsibility each morning. I’d spiral and sob, never wanting to get out of bed until I absolutely had to. I felt like scum for regretting a baby we’d been trying to conceive for over 4 years.
Now she’s almost 10 months old, and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier or more in love. She’s a smiley, happy baby, just like I used to be. She gives me these beautiful 8-toothed grins and already has a sense of humor. She’ll catch my eye and grin at me like we’re sharing a private joke. She puts her forehead against mine when she’s happy and relaxed and coos in a soft, relaxing voice. Sometimes she follows this with a painful headbutt, but I’d take the headbutts for these precious moments any day. I could go on and on.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is the first few weeks/months can be extremely difficult and taxing. It’s not you; it’s the situation and the hormones. Get all the help you can to get through this and know that it gets so much better when they magically become tiny humans from wailing potatoes seemingly overnight.
Yes. I don’t think it was remorse, but rather shock and tiredness that caused me to miss my previous life. You mourn what used to be. You don’t appreciate how simple life is without a newborn baby. Nobody can truly express how difficult the first few months are. It’s extremely hard. It definitely gets better!
My baby is now 8 months old, and she is the light of my life. We have so much fun together, and I am so glad she is here and that I am her mother. It gets better!! You’re in the toughest portion right now. Continue to be patient. 
This. I was in shock for the better part of the newborn phase. Like “what is this new life?”
Surprisingly, my husband wasn’t at all!