Hi, new mom seeking advice. I’ve noticed our nanny bedsharing with my 1-month-old during the night. For context, I’m exclusively pumping every 3 hours, and my baby has been sleeping in the nanny’s room since last week.
We have a baby monitor over the bassinet, and last night’s video history shows my baby being picked up from the bassinet (without crying or fussing) twice outside her feeding window and taken to the nanny’s bed for 3 hours.
This happened a few days ago, so I warned the nanny and shared the AAP guidelines (which she claims to know). Things were fine until she relapsed last night. When I reminded her this morning, she admitted to taking the baby to her bed for a bit. I told her that’s not acceptable, and she agreed not to bedshare again, but I’m still upset that my baby was put in danger. Why can’t she just follow the rule? I’m wondering if I should trust her one last time before contacting the agency.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I being irresponsible? My husband has no input other than wanting help overnight and leaving it up to my judgment
UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your input. I clearly needed to hear from other parents, and I’m glad I ran it by you all.
I’d fire the nanny and report her. If you wanted to bedshare, you would do it on your own. You certainly do not want that. Why is a nanny disturbing a sleeping infant and placing them in a dangerous sleeping environment?
If it were me, there would be no second chances. What happens if you give her one more opportunity and she accidently suffocates the infant while asleep?
Unless you specifically pay for “awake care,” it is rather normal for someone caring for the baby overnight to sleep while the baby sleeps. Regardless, everyone should adhere to safe sleep practices. I would have fired her for the first offense.
Even for cosleeping, this violates safety guidelines because it is only recommended if you are a breastfeeding mother (as baby and mother sleep lighter in this arrangement) and your bed is set up for safe cosleeping (no blankets or pillows, away from windows and radiators, and an appropriate firmness). Even if she was one of those persons who remained completely still while sleeping and was not a suffocation risk, this increases her chances of SIDS. Can the OP ensure that the baby is on their back and in their own sleep sac, rather than under the nanny’s duvet or contact sleeping if they are not on camera? It definitely sounds hazardous.
Oh, screw it. Fire her and report her immediately. First, if bed sharing is going to happen, it will be necessary because your child refuses to sleep alone. Why would she bring a sleeping kid into her bed? That’s her wanting to cuddle to sleep, which is simply odd. Second, if bed sharing is going to happen, it will be between Mama and the baby, not the nanny.
Exactly this. I bed share out of absolute necessity as MOTHER. But I would be so weirded out if hired staff just picked up my infant in the middle of the night and slept next them out of nowhere.
Am I the only one who finds it strange that the infant is sleeping in the nanny’s room? This is a live-in nanny, not a night nanny, correct? A night nanny does not sleep at all; instead, she cares for the infant and cleans pump parts. A live-in nanny has to sleep at night, not care for the infant.
You’re not alone. This appears to be a simple solution of having the infant in mom’s room. I can’t image not having that baby near my bed, especially when she’s only one month old. I’m not trying to appear judgmental here, but I’m interested what justifies this setup.
I’m not trying to be judgemental, but I do agree. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to sleep in the same room with my one-month-old baby. Let alone sharing the same bed. I didn’t think I could have emotionally separated from my baby so soon. I feel like I couldn’t at 6 months, but I’m also a SAHM, so it’s probably different for me.
