Our 9m old daughter cannot go into her crib at night unless she’s put to sleep in our arms, and then we can successfully transfer her to the crib. We’re at our wits’ end here and not sure what to do. We’ve tried various sleep training methods but so far have been unsuccessful.
When we put her in the crib, she stands at the side just screaming until she gasps for air. I try my best to shhh her and comfort her by rubbing her back or patting her bum. Eventually, my heart breaks, and I pick her up and try to rock her back to sleep. I know this isn’t the right approach, but I’m just not sure what to do at this point. It takes hours to put her to bed at night!
I’ve rocked my 18-month-old to sleep every night since birth, and I’ve somewhat accepted that this is just life right now! I could never successfully lay her down without her crying until she gasped for air. I gave up on sleep training until recently. I still rock her to sleep, but I don’t get her at night unless absolutely necessary. It has helped a lot.
I personally love rocking her, but now I have a rule: I’ll try to put her down three times. If she wakes on the third try, I leave the room. So far, it’s been working well. I started this around 17 months, so it may or may not work as early as now.
I hope things improve for you soon. Difficult sleeping babies are so hard to manage. If a method doesn’t work now, revisit it in a month.
What makes you think it “isn’t right or good” to rock your baby to sleep? Gently, this is very normal.
Stop reading stuff online about ‘unicorn babies’ and sleep consultants.
Lean into this phase. It’s short-lived, and that closeness and safety she craves is developmentally healthy. This is understood in many other countries outside of the US, where I assume you are.
My kiddo was the same; he needed to be held vertically to sleep until he was too big for that (around 22 months). After that, he learned to ‘lie down’ or make a giant nest out of pillows next to a parent. This didn’t happen until we switched from a crib to a floor bed. Everything happens in its own time!
First off, you aren’t doing anything wrong by rocking your baby to sleep every night! She’s a baby, and you are her safety! Mine did the same until about 14 months when I reached my breaking point. I promise it will pass! Transitioning might not be easy, but it will end! Here’s what we did, which may not work for you, but we have a 2-year-old who now falls asleep independently:
We had to wait 20 minutes after my son fell asleep before we could put him down without waking him and causing him to scream. We gradually worked on putting him down, continuing to keep our hand on his chest or shoulder. If he fussed, we’d pat and shush him; if he screamed, we picked him up, calmed him down, and started over. Over about two weeks, we slowly decreased the time we held him before laying him down. Eventually, we held his hand or shushed him until he fell asleep. After about a week, he got used to it and no longer needed us to stay with him until he was asleep! We introduced a stuffed toy as a distraction during this time. It took time, but it was well worth it.
I rock my 7-month-old to sleep every night and for naps, and I will honestly continue as long as she wants me to. Some days it can be tiring, but I cherish the moments, and I love holding her while she sleeps!
My kiddo is 14 months old. I say he’s a good sleeper (sleeps through the night), but he only falls asleep alone about 10% of the time, mainly after a long day of activity. I don’t mind rocking him to sleep; he sleeps fine at daycare, so I know he can do it. I have limited time with him due to work. The rocking before bed is a cherished time.
My daughter was the same around that age. About 13 months, she started wanting to be put down in her crib to fall asleep. We get her drowsy with nursing, books, and cuddles, and she asks to lay down and goes to sleep. It just happened naturally for us.
We had to finally use the Cry-It-Out (CIO) method when my 8-month-old was in a similar situation (other sleep training methods didn’t work for us). We laid baby down and left, repeating as necessary. At some point, she stopped standing and just lay down and cried. It was heartbreaking, but neither my husband nor I could continue holding her to sleep or risk failed crib transfers. It improved after a week, and now (just before 9 months), we put her down semi-sleepy, and she rolls over, cries once, and falls asleep.
My son is 10 months and the same; I rock him to sleep, nurse at night, and cosleep after his first wake. You have to decide what works for your family. My son cried hard enough to sweat through his clothes and sometimes vomit. So, after trying sleep training a couple of times, we stopped. You’re learning what works for your family.
My eldest was like this until 10 months, and we were sure she always would be. We coslept until 6 months. Then one day, we just put her down awake, and she fell asleep after we left the room. We did absolutely nothing different; I think she was just ready.
Hi, I know this is tough. I was still rocking my baby at that age and it took a long time because my presence told her it was playtime. If you tried sleep training unsuccessfully, r/sleeptrain might have advice if you’re interested in having her fall asleep independently. Good luck, sending sleepy vibes.
This is me right now. We are only on night two of trying to have the baby fall asleep in the crib. He can do it in my arms, but wakes and cries when I transfer him. I’ve been sitting on the floor next to the crib while he plays until he gets tired, then I lay him down and pat his chest while shushing him. It’s only night two, but it seems to be working for us.
Cuddle them to sleep in your own bed and then transfer them to their bed. It’s such a short period of your life where you rock/cuddle them to sleep. It’s natural—look at primates, they do the same!
There’s nothing wrong with rocking a baby to sleep. The idea it’s ‘wrong’ comes from it being more work for parents. My baby also needs holding to sleep and then is transferred when she’s K.O’d. She’s 5 months, and I’ve accepted that this might be our routine for two years; I don’t mind. They’re little humans, and the world is still new and scary to them. They just want comfort and safety!
