Just found out we’re expecting (!!!) at the end of next May. As a new dad, should I write off most major plans for next summer?
Hello dads,
I’m thrilled to be joining the dad club next summer. We didn’t expect it to happen so quickly, but here we are, pregnant right away!
I have an honest question, and I know it’s subjective, but here goes. My wife and I are very social and outgoing, and we’ve always said we’d stay that way even with kids (this will be our first). That said, next June, I’m in two wedding parties for very close friends, and I have a trip booked to see Oasis at the beginning of August with two buddies for three days. (The weddings are both local.)
Am I completely crazy for thinking I can attend these events? My wife is on board right now, and we have support lined up when needed, but I know things can change quickly once the baby arrives. It also depends on how smooth the pregnancy goes and whether everyone is happy and healthy.
Tl;dr: We’re having a baby and wondering if I need to expect significant changes to my plans.
How relaxed your kid is will make a tremendous impact, and you cannot plan or control it. Don’t cancel your plans, but prepare to be flexible.
Your partner may have different feelings about your intentions while you’re in the thick of infant life. For the benefit of your relationship, ensure that she feels heard and that she has equal opportunities to socialize with others if she needs or wants to.
Yes! I’d add that, in addition to how the baby is, you have no idea how the birth will proceed, which made a major difference for us. With my first, I had a difficult birth, so with the hormones and recovery, we took our time getting back out into the world, usually visiting different family members’ homes for trips. The second baby had a “easy” birth, which allowed us to go out and about earlier.
Thanks. That would always be the case, as I should have stated above. Even with the vacation and the wedding, I would be willing to cancel on short notice if things became too stressful or didn’t go as planned. That much is certain.
I would also plan for someone to help your partner out while you’re away. I went to my best friends hen do when my baby was 8 weeks old and my husband went away a few weeks after that. Both times we arranged for a family member to come and stay with us to help with the house and baby while the other one was away.
First off, congratulations! Second, you are correct; it is somewhat subjective. Personally, I would not CANCEL anything, but I would notify others involved in your plans of the issue. It is critical that you arrange for assistance for your wife because it might be difficult for one person, particularly first-time parents.
In summary, it’s difficult to accurately assess another person’s circumstances. I can tell that once my daughter was born, I did not want to leave her and my wife for so long. So bear in mind that you may have these sentiments once you see and touch your LO.
I’d suggest being prepared to cancel all three plans if necessary and letting your buddies know the situation so they can have a backup or sub you out if needed. The weddings might be doable, but the trip seems very unlikely. You might not even want to leave for it, even if your wife is on board.
It’s extremely unlikely you’ll both attend any of these events unless you have an exceptionally calm and uncomplicated baby (fingers crossed!) and your wife recovers in the top 99% from childbirth, which is not a pressure you want to put on her, obviously.
With the right support, you might be able to attend the weddings for a reasonable amount of time and then head back home. Stick to ginger ale or your usual alcohol substitute.
Just a heads up: life with a newborn is quite different. If you end up staying home for the first three months, it doesn’t mean you’ll spend all your parenting time that way, or even the entire infant stage.
Besides “it depends on the baby,” it also depends on how the labor and your wife’s recovery go. There’s a wide range of experiences, with some women needing care themselves in addition to the newborn. While that’s not the case for most, it does happen. Labor is intense, and various things can occur that might take months to heal from. It’s completely unpredictable.
Something my pediatrician told us during the first-week check-up: she doesn’t judge or shame anyone for how locked down or out and about they are. However, for newborns under three months, any fever means going directly to the children’s hospital ER, where they might admit you for a few days and possibly do a lumbar puncture. She mentioned there are some events she’d consider important enough to risk an infection in the infant, and many she would not. Fever in newborns is different from even a six-month-old, and parents should know this to make informed decisions about each exposure in the first months.