I'm feeling really down about my baby's sleep situation

I have a 5.5 month old. His sleep has been tough since he was 2 months old, and it’s gotten worse this past week. We stopped the feed-to-sleep routine, and now he just screams at bedtime. He resists naps until he’s overtired, and wakes up during the night crying for hours. I try shushing and patting him, but nothing seems to help. I feel so depressed. He only calms down if I get up, turn on the lights, and pick him up. He just won’t sleep or stop crying when it’s time for bed. I feel sick to my stomach from all the crying. I dread every nap and bedtime. I’m so exhausted, and my husband and I just don’t know what to do. I hate hearing him cry, but I’m out of ideas.

Do you think he might be hungry? We have a 10-month-old, and he usually cries if he’s still hungry when we take the bottle away.

alvin said:
Do you think he might be hungry? We have a 10-month-old, and he usually cries if he’s still hungry when we take the bottle away.

I thought that might be it for a long time, but I feed him until he’s done and then put him to bed. I’ve tried waiting 30 minutes after eating and even an hour, but it always ends up the same.

@Keir
Interesting, we sometimes need to bring the bottle back after some burps, and our baby will drink a little more. When he cries, does he show any signs like looking for milk or getting upset when you offer it?

@Keir
Sometimes babies have a pattern to their eating that follows their internal clock. My son woke up every 3 hours at night until he was 6 months old and wouldn’t eat much during the day. I suggest feeding him at night but try to hold off the first feeding for 5 hours after bedtime, then 3 hours later, and so on. You should also try to offer more feeds during the day. If he’s getting around 24 ounces during the day, you could stop the night feeds more easily. He might truly be hungry at night because he’s not eating enough during the day. My son self-weaned, and by 6 or 7 months, he was sleeping through the night without waking up, but at 5.5 months, he was still waking up to nurse.

If sleep is causing you so much stress, why not go back to feeding him to sleep? Was there a specific reason you wanted to stop that? You could try a transitional period where you introduce patting while feeding, so he learns to associate the pats with sleep before fully stopping the feeding to sleep.

@Reagan
Exactly! There’s nothing wrong with feeding to sleep, especially at such a young age.

@Reagan
Just do what works best for you. It doesn’t matter what’s considered right or wrong; if it works, it’s right.

Just feed him to sleep. Breaking the association clearly hasn’t worked for you guys. My daughter was a terrible sleeper, and no tricks seemed to help, so we just got through it. I fed her to sleep for over a year, and it didn’t change how well she slept.

Are you helping him get to sleep? Like holding and rocking? Most babies need help to fall asleep, whether it’s feeding or rocking. If standing doesn’t work, try laying him on your chest while you’re lying down.

Was feeding him to sleep working before? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that; why not just lean into it until he’s older?

Does he have a solid bedtime and nap routine? If he’s waking at night, is he sleeping too much during the day? How long are his wake windows?

Wilder said:
Does he have a solid bedtime and nap routine? If he’s waking at night, is he sleeping too much during the day? How long are his wake windows?

Yes! I was also wondering about their wake windows during the day.

DVP, I can relate to your situation. I experienced something similar, and while it’s not meant to scare you, it’s worth checking with your little one’s doctor to rule out any issues. Could it be teething? Maybe he prefers sleeping in total darkness? Or does he want extra cuddles?

Honestly, it sounds like he’s still hungry. Five months is quite early to cut night feeds. I wouldn’t worry too much about the feed-to-sleep association; it’s biologically normal for him to want those feeds at this age. You’re doing the best you can, and it’s hard, so be kind to yourselves!

You just need to work with him and find what works for both of you. It’s tough now, but he’s only 5.5 months old. Time will fly, and soon you won’t be in this sleep-deprived state anymore.

I’m not saying to disregard this issue, but sometimes modern parenting makes baby-rearing feel like a competitive sport when it’s really just a natural part of life.

I co-nap and sleep because my baby is like this. I don’t have advice, but he’s 1 year old now.

Co-sleeping is controversial, I know, but it saved us. Babies sleep much better next to their mom.

SamuelCooper said:
Co-sleeping is controversial, I know, but it saved us. Babies sleep much better next to their mom.

I don’t agree with that. Co-sleeping seems easier at first but gets old really fast. Your back will hurt, you’ll miss privacy and time with your partner, and constant wakes to nurse make it tiring. It can be hard to break the habit, and when you finally want your baby to sleep on their own, it becomes extra difficult with more crying involved than if they knew how to sleep independently from the start.

I would suggest sleep training. We tried the Ferber method and now he sleeps in his crib all night with only one wake-up. I never let him cry alone for longer than 10 minutes, then I would check in on him as you described. It made a huge difference for us. I know hearing the crying is tough, but it’s only for a few nights and at some point, you may feel desperate enough to try it. I highly recommend it.

@Owen
What do you do during check-ins, and how long do they typically last? Do you repeat the check-ins every time he wakes up at night?

Poe said:
@Owen
What do you do during check-ins, and how long do they typically last? Do you repeat the check-ins every time he wakes up at night?

Check out the Ferber method; it explains the process well.