I’m exhausted from being the one who gets up in the middle of the night, worries about wake windows and naps, tries to get him to do tummy time, and ensures he’s hitting milestones. I’m tired of making appointments, preparing bottles, remembering his feeding schedule, and doing endless loads of laundry. I’m constantly worried about his flat head and trying to do everything with him attached to me because putting him down on his back might make it worse.
I’m tired of being on maternity leave while my husband gets to go to work every day, interact with co-workers and friends, and escape for 8-10 hours.
I miss my old life. I miss sleep. I miss the ease of doing things spontaneously. I miss vacations and weekend trips. I miss my husband. Our marriage is basically in shambles, and we barely talk anymore.
I try so hard to put on a smile and be present and happy for my baby, but it’s tough, and I just want a break.
By the way, I know I have PPD. I’m just venting because I’ve told my husband all this, and he doesn’t understand why I hate being a mom. Please, someone, tell me I’ll eventually enjoy motherhood…
Respectfully, it sounds like your husband is a big part of the problem. You don’t hate being a mother; you’re just exhausted because you’re doing the work of both parents. Just because he works doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be taking on at least fifty percent of the work and mental load when he’s home. He needs to try harder to understand your frustrations and struggles and dedicate his time at home to supporting you as much as possible.
Of course, your life will change more than his if he leaves for work every day, but that doesn’t mean he should be living the same life as ever while you handle everything. At the very least, he should help you with nights so you get more consistent sleep. Early parenting is hard, but it will get easier with time, especially with adequate support!
This! My husband returned to work two weeks later, but he fully shared responsibilities with me. He took the baby when he got home from work, gave her bottles, and when I was BF, he would wake up at night and prep the baby (aka change the diaper, etc.) and hand the baby to me once I was comfortably seated in my recliner; he also made sure he held up the water bottle for me and asked if I needed snacks at night because you need them when BF; he also washed all the pump parts, and we did the nighttime routine together.
This!! You need more from your husband. I also experience PPD, but I feel so much better when my husband is actively involved (and taking Zoloft). You work 24 hours a day, whereas he works two jobs and takes occasional breaks. He should be doing all of the ‘extras’ because your primary focus right now is the small human. The first three to four months are difficult! I began to feel better approximately 4.5-5 months ago when my hubby began to hear me more clearly.
Totally agree. To address the headline question, I’ve honestly enjoyed it from the start, and I believe a lot of that is due to my husband’s exceptional qualities as a father and partner.
This! My husband has 6 weeks off right now, and another 6 when I return to work in January, but he has been fantastic, and I know it will continue when he returns to work. Partners contributed to the birth of the child and should put in the effort while they are at home or not working. It’s not about helping or babysitting; it’s about being the other parent.
Yeah, it’s very upsetting that so many women are made to believe that they are the problem since they are struggling despite doing twice as much work as they should!!
I wish I could hug you. Oh, the feelings of new motherhood. I remember feeling a loss of identity since my entire existence - my time, my image, my marriage, everything - had become unrecognizable. I’m here to tell you that it gets easier over time, but it’s still really difficult. However, there are certain things that will help: 1. Tell your husband how he can help you and show his thanks. Make it abundantly clear what you need. He’s probably not a horrible guy; he just doesn’t understand the extent of the transformation you’re going through and the mental strain. 2. Set aside time for yourself, such as going for a stroll, fixing your makeup, or meeting up with your girlfriends.
The coffee thing! In the early days, I wouldn’t even bother getting dressed. We’d just hop in the car and hit the Dunkin’ drive-thru. Just getting out of the house, seeing the light of day, and having a change of scenery did wonders for my sanity, even if the baby screamed in the car for some of the trips .
Omg, yes! An “outside of the house coffee” makes my whole day I promise I’ve been making myself get dressed and wash my face while the bottle warms up. She can cry for a minute. Happy mama equals happy baby.
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