But I didn’t think she would regress into acting like a literal puppy. Taking clothes off and peeing on everything, spitefully. The beds, the couch. Pouring drinks out onto the furniture to drink the puddle before it seeps into the cushions. Taking crackers behind the coffee table to smash into the rug. Bringing sticks and handfuls of dirt inside. She walks into a room and just empties out drawers, clears off shelves for no reason?? My reflux baby will projectile puke and she’s there really to start finger painting with it, smearing it around. Along with my actual dog trying to lick it up. Wtf I literally can’t take my eyes off her for a second. This is such chaos constantly.
I’m not sure if you’re just venting or asking for advice so if this is unsolicited, then just ignore it but something I found that works is to include big sister in as much baby stuff as possible.
“We have to change the baby! I need your help!” Have her hand you diapers, wipes whatever and then tons and tons of over the top praise.
“Oh my goodness! You’re the best big sister! I can’t believe how great you are at handing me wipes!”
Give her power because she feels powerless at the moment. So when it’s time to rock baby, ask her first. “I think baby is tired. What song should we sing to them? What is your favorite? Oh my goodness that is the best song choice! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that one!”
The more you can include her the more she will feel like she has some sort of purpose. Big sister is a job that will totally allow her to feel empowered and a part of your day instead of fighting for your time and attention. And then of course when possible, carve out 1 on 1 time each day and make a big deal that baby can’t be involved.
“It’s afternoon and baby is sleeping! Time for our mommy (toddler’s name) cookies and milk time!” Or “special show time!” Or “art and craft time!” Something that baby can’t do and you can do with your toddler every day. And then be sure to reiterate during that time how much you love your special mommy toddler time at 4pm because big sister is so great at being a big sister and you love that the two of you get to do this because only big sisters are allowed to etc etc etc.
Also, getting her a baby to take care of while you two take care of your babies together can be very helpful!
I hope this helps!
@Sage
This is incredible advice!! The baby doll is genius and I love the cookies and milk time. I might do that with my husband
Sam said:
@Sage
This is incredible advice!! The baby doll is genius and I love the cookies and milk time. I might do that with my husband
Yes do it! We all need one on one time with mommy lol.
@Sage
I try to include my toddler with baby care when I can, and I think that has helped. I also talk to the baby in front of her and say things like, “you’re such a lucky duck–you have such a great big sister.” I also show her lots of pictures of herself as a baby and talk about how she used to do whatever thing her brother is currently doing when she was that little. I.e. “oh, when you were this little, you hated tummy time! Let’s see if we can cheer him on!”
And then, of course, as much as I can, I do try to give her some one-on-one time so she knows I still love her.
So far, she refers to the baby as “my baby,” and wants to hold him. So…that’s mercifully good.
@Ziv
This is great!! I do something similar with my husband because my daughter is very clingy and in a mama only phase. So whenever he does something I say to her “wow! What a lucky girl to have a Daddy who makes up songs for you!” Or “oh my goodness your Daddy loves you so much! How special to have a Daddy like him!” It works just the same on grown men as it does on toddlers
@Sage
Saving this comment because I’m pregnant with my 2nd and my oldest will be about 2.5 when the new baby gets here.
Shiloh said:
@Sage
Saving this comment because I’m pregnant with my 2nd and my oldest will be about 2.5 when the new baby gets here.
Ditto!
@Sage
This is incredible advice. My oldest has handled the added chaos of her little siblings (we have twins) pretty well but sometimes I’m so overwhelmed I forget to stop and praise her. I always tell her I love her and how special she is to me. But I’m going to add in way more baby related praise!
@DolphGabbana
My favorite saying I stole from a training I went to is that kids put out what we put in. Our praise becomes their self-talk and what a beautiful thing it is to have a child say things like “I’m a great helper!” And “I am so strong and kind!” They believe it because we gave them the words and helped them create their own positive self-talk. When you can add a virtue onto the praise, it really helps build such beautiful self-confidence. “You brought me that toy after only asking you two times! Wow! You are such a great listener!” It’s very cute and heartwarming when you hear them repeat back to you such gentle and loving things.
@Sage
I adore listening to my daughter repeat the things we say to the babies. To her sister “oh baby you’re so beautiful” and brother “you’re a handsome mister!”
She also frequently tells them “it’s ok, big sister is here”.
She praises herself too. I’m a good listener, I’m kind, I’m smart, I’m funny. We do affirmations with her so she knows we believe these things even when she’s acting out. Which thankfully isn’t often.
I have a friend with small children who constantly criticizes them. Like yes, of course your kids act out when you’re always telling them they’re being messy and loud. They’re under 5!
Kids definitely put out what we as parents put in. I’m not a perfect parent by any means but I want my kids to always know they’re loved and to be confident in themselves!
@DolphGabbana
beautiful.
@Sage
I’m a FTM of a 1 year old boy and I want another baby but I scroll through Reddit and find to try and prepare and OMG your post is so insightful. I don’t spend money on awards but your comment is
I read once if you smell the top of a baby’s head, it makes you want to protect them, so I would make my toddler smell the baby’s head often lol also I tried to keep on the toddler’s schedule, throw baby in a wrap and go to the park a lot, do things toddler likes while wearing baby, so they didn’t feel like baby was wrecking their day.
@Torrance
Lollllll this is amazing.
Oh my god.
I’m sorry…. I’m so sorry.
This is brutal!!!
How old is she? Because my son is just doing this right now at 27 months anyway and we don’t have a new baby lol.
Has your routine changed a tonne since baby arrived? Are you still finding time to spend 1:1 time with her?
Regressing, or progressing, seems she’s figured out how to get your attention.
I am actually happy to read this because my toddler is doing all but one of those things, and there’s always that voice in my head wondering if this is normal toddler behavior or if he’s over the top. Lucky for me when my toddler sees any spit up, he is completely disgusted. He will immediately distance himself from that situation and let us know how gross it is lol.