I had to contact 911 last night and felt brushed aside

Mental Health Forum
1

Before I start, I want to mention that my son will be seeing his pediatrician for a follow-up, but due to an incoming hurricane here in Florida, it might have to wait. I’m just looking for some thoughts and encouragement in the meantime.

A little context: I am a single first-time mom, and my son is 2 1/2 months old. He has a bit of reflux for which he is taking medication. He spits up quite a bit, so I have also cut out dairy from my diet. Sometimes his spitting up wakes both of us up, but he has been sleeping through the night for the most part.

Last night around 4 am, I woke up (maybe due to mother’s instinct) and saw him in his bassinet seemingly struggling to breathe. He wasn’t crying, but I could hear a bit of gurgling. I instantly picked him up and tried patting his back, thinking he just needed to spit up. However, he was mostly silent, which was unlike him and very scary because I am terrified of choking. I brought him into the light where I could see him better, and he looked frightening. His eyes had bright red rings around them, they were barely open and leaking fluid. His nose was stuffed up and running a lot, and spit was pooling out of his mouth. He wasn’t coughing, and I could tell he wasn’t breathing right. Sometimes when he tried to take a breath, it was just silent, and other times he would gurgle. Nothing I did seemed to help. I woke up my sister, who I live with, and she agreed that something was not right.

She called 911 because he was not improving, and I was so scared he would stop breathing entirely. It took the first responders about 15 minutes to arrive, and of course, by the time they did, he had improved a lot and was starting to breathe normally and open his eyes.

I tried to explain what had happened, but I was exhausted, terrified, and overwhelmed, so I don’t know if I did a good job. One of the cops and the firefighter who was taking his vitals were nice but also a bit condescending. They kept saying, “first-time mom, huh?” and asking if he was colicky or suggesting a coughing fit. But he wasn’t coughing, and I wouldn’t call 911 for a coughing fit. I feel like they brushed me off, and I don’t feel like I got any answers about what happened. I should have advocated more for myself, but I was feeling embarrassed and like I had called for no good reason.

Could it have been nothing? Did I do the right thing? I have no idea what happened, and I am so scared of it happening again. There is no way that was normal, and I don’t like how they didn’t believe me because I am a first-time mom.

2

You absolutely did the right thing! I would have done the same in your situation. Your child was not acting normally, and it was clearly affecting his breathing, so calling for help was the right decision. Some people might prefer to wait and see if things improve, but when it comes to breathing, that’s not something to take chances with.

It’s frustrating when people brush you off with the “first-time mom” comment. I’ve experienced that too, and honestly, I don’t care what they think. If I have a legitimate concern about my child, I will seek help because I’d rather be safe than sorry, even if it turns out to be nothing. My child is the most important thing in my life, and at such a young age, they can’t speak or advocate for themselves, so it’s our job to ensure they are okay.

Don’t let anyone make you feel like you overreacted. You made the right choice, and your instincts were spot on.

3

I had a similar experience when my baby turned 4 months old. His face turned pale, and liquid was dripping out of his nose and mouth. He was completely silent. I started doing back blows and then handed him over to my fiancé while I called 911. By the time they arrived, he was doing much better, and they said, “Yeah, we knew from the call it was an aspiration, he’s fine.” We still had him checked out, and he ended up needing antibiotics for aspiration pneumonia.

You absolutely did the right thing in that moment. Never let anyone make you feel bad for trusting your gut. You know your baby better than anyone else.

4

I’m a paramedic in Australia and a first-time mom of a 3-month-old.

First off, you absolutely did the right thing by calling for help. You know your child better than anyone, and you recognized that something was not right. Seeing a child in respiratory distress is incredibly confronting, especially when it’s your own. You took the necessary actions immediately—positioning your child, patting them on the back, and seeking help from both your sister and 911 when things didn’t improve.

I’m so sorry they were condescending towards you. That’s incredibly unprofessional, especially in the situation of a new mother calling for their child. You did nothing wrong, and their behavior was completely uncalled for.

I hope this experience doesn’t deter you from calling for help in the future if needed. In Australia, parental concern is a key factor when assessing a sick baby or child, even if they don’t appear unwell at the time. You did a brilliant job identifying the problem and calling 911. You should be proud of yourself, mama.

5

I’m also a first responder in the US and have a 3-year-old. I want to echo what this lovely upside-down medic said.

First of all, I hope you have scheduled or are scheduling a follow-up with the pediatrician. Explain exactly what happened and don’t downplay it just because EMS did. We’re trained to look for immediate life threats, and once we identify there aren’t any, our scope of practice usually stops, and we transfer care to a higher-level provider. It often gets forgotten when we don’t transport, but all 911 calls should be followed up with a doctor.

From our perspective, I’d like to share what goes on in our heads. When I hear “infant” and “breathing” on the radio, the world stops for a second. I brace myself for the worst and go into a focused state of mind that may come across as callous. Those 15 minutes it takes us to get there are often spent in silence, thinking about past calls but having no clue what we’ll walk into.

The relief is immense when I do a rapid assessment and see that the baby is pink, breathing, and hopefully crying. My concern doesn’t disappear, but a huge weight is lifted. In those moments, we want to reassure you, but there’s often a gap in our training on how to do that. So, comments like “First-time mama!” can slip in and come across as dismissive. Please know that part of it is because we’re so relieved, and our professional mask can slip a bit. We sometimes forget that it’s probably one of the scariest moments of your life.

We do trust your instincts and your description of things. We may scale them differently because of our experience, knowing that things can change in the few minutes it takes us to get there. Sometimes, we even joke that dialing 911 and seeing someone in uniform can be the best placebo.

The cop was out of line to comment. He wasn’t a medical professional and shouldn’t have said anything. He was probably relieved too and hoped it was just a first-time mom learning her instincts and a baby with colic, forgetting he needed to keep his mouth closed.

On a systemic level, many responders in the US are really burnt out, especially now. COVID, the healthcare system, and working conditions have worn people down, and EMS turnover is high. Many responders desperately need crisis therapy, regular therapy, healthy working conditions, coping mechanisms, and better pay.

All that said, we’d all rather you call and it be nothing. We’d rather be there for your baby or any other vulnerable person than doing anything else, even if it ends up being nothing. Sometimes, if it’s the 10th time and nothing is ever wrong, we’d rather have coffee or a breakfast taco or take a break, but that has nothing to do with you.

It isn’t an excuse for unprofessionalism, which I think happened in your case, but I hope this gives you a way to forgive them for acting poorly. Our primary focus on calls like this is the child, but it takes more experience to know that sometimes we should focus on the parents too. Babies can’t be healthy without healthy parents. We’re one part of the process and care for your child, but we’re also there in many of the most intense moments, and we need to do better.

6

Perhaps he had thick mucous at the back of his throat. Something like that could move/clear once you lifted him up and moved him around a little.

7

My aunt is a retired OB nurse, and her best advice has always been that it is better to call 911 or go to the ER when you believe it is something and it turns out to be nothing than to think it is something and wait until they can’t do anything. You are doing an excellent job; your baby is fortunate to have such a caring and loving mother. You did not do anything wrong.

8

I would have done the same in your situation, even if the outcome was nothing. I’m sorry your fears were unfounded!

Good luck with the hurricane! I hope you’re not on the direct path. I’m in central Florida, and it appears that the worst of it will be missing us!

9

I believe you did the right thing. If it happens again, try to record it so they can see the proof and send you to the hospital for tests.

If it doesn’t happen again, it might have been a one-time incident. Also, instead of picking him up to turn him over, try turning him onto his side while he’s lying down. This is similar to the “recovery position” in first aid and can help prevent him from inhaling any liquids.

I had a similar experience when we went to our children’s hospital because his poop was all jelly-like after his vaccinations. The nurse on the phone advised us to go in. They told me, “Oh, it’s fine, he seems fine, but we’ll do X-rays just in case,” and kind of brushed me off as a first-time parent. It sucks, but can you imagine if you hadn’t called and he didn’t improve? I’d rather be safe and have others judge me.

10

You did what you thought was right, and I believe I would have done the same if I were you. Screw the first responders. They’re just pissed that they had to do their job.

11

In the first few months, our little one had similar episodes. He would stop breathing, smack his lips, and his lips would turn blue while he made little fish gasps. We rushed him to the emergency room, but nothing showed up. His pediatrician was also puzzled. We took a video, but they still couldn’t pinpoint the issue. We would rouse him, and after a minute or so, he would return to normal. This happened several times and kept me up at night. Eventually, it was determined that he had severe reflux from lactose, which was affecting his nervous system. I cut out dairy for a few months, and as his tummy matured, things improved.

Always take a video, even though it might feel counterintuitive in the moment. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but you absolutely did the right thing. I hope you find answers soon because I’m still unsure about what exactly happened in our case.

12

Hugs, Ms Mama. You did the proper thing by calling 911, and it is always better to be safe than sorry. I’m not sure what went wrong, but you should always trust your intuition when it comes to your child. My doctor advised me to always try to note any abnormal behavior or symptoms. This way, even if the child improves before the doctor arrives (which they always do, ughhh), you can show the doctor a video of what was going on. This is especially true if your child experiences a seizure unexpectedly!

13

Thank you everyone :slightly_smiling_face:

14

I am a first-time father of a 9-month-old daughter and a former EMT. Despite my extensive expertise, I would have called 911 without hesitation. I always freak the heck out. Nothing worries me more than when she is eating and appears to be choking.