I have a 3-month-old and the burnout is extreme. I do not care about anything anymore; I just want her to shut up sometimes. She is extremely clingy and so fussy. I am so tired of it. I hate my house being messy. I hate her constant whining over nothing. I have arthritis, and my joints hurt like crazy from constantly having to hold her and rock her to sleep because she refuses to self-soothe. I am tired of being smiley every time she’s awake and having to devote every living waking hour of my existence to her every whim.
The thing won’t sleep at night. Yes, we have a routine. Her naps during the day are not too long. She just fusses all night. She’s on a schedule of fussing from 11 PM-2 AM. It drives me insane and makes me so angry.
My husband works 12-hour shifts on the days when he works. He’s super helpful on the days he doesn’t work but can’t do much on the days he works. He takes her for the majority of the time on his days off, except for feeding. I am fine with this. She’s been an extremely difficult baby: CMPA, colic, reflux, THRUSH THAT WE CAN’T GET RID OF.
I saw this mom the other day who had a 3-month-old four days younger than ours. He was as happy as a clam, just playing and smiling. I don’t know how she does it. I look at our baby and think, “Why is it that when you’re awake, all you do is fuss?” It drives me insane.
Today I have no energy. Most days I can pretend and play, but today I’m just done with it. I love her, but this stage is so exhausting, and I need a decade-long vacation.
This is such a difficult age when they start becoming fussy but aren’t much fun yet. Also, your newborn adrenaline is wearing off, and as you say, burnout and reality are kicking your butt. I promise, it gets a lot more fun!!
Do you have a support system other than your husband?
Do you meet up with other moms/friends during the day? That always helped me immensely, and I wish I’d done it more when my baby was that age.
First off, there might be some postpartum depression or anxiety in play right now, so the burnout & resentment makes sense. If you’re open to meds, you may want to talk to your doctor about what is possible to take the edge off the noise in your brain.
Regarding the clinginess of your 3-month-old vs. the baby from the grocery store, that parent’s time is coming. My daughter was a super happy baby (minus some colic that resolved once her tongue tie was addressed) until the 4-month sleep regression. Right now is a season of difficulty. It will pass on to some other parent.
You may find it helpful to remind yourself that this will pass. You will see the other side of this, I promise, but you may need to find ways to self-soothe in the meantime. As adults, we have to teach our babies & toddlers how to regulate, but it’s a struggle when we are dysregulated.
Hang in there! The good and bad news of parenting is that it all changes so fast.
This sounds like postpartum depression. Gently, it isn’t normal to not have any empathy for your 3-month-old. You are the adult in the room and none of this is her fault. It’s not your fault either, but she’s helpless, vulnerable, and totally dependent on you. You owe it to yourself and to her to get the help that you need. Tell your doctor exactly what you’ve said here; you need to be brave and be honest, or they won’t know how bad it is (and it is bad). You also need to make sure your partner knows that you feel like this; it’s his responsibility to keep that baby safe, and in your current mindset—again, not your fault—but you might not be a safe place for your baby. We can’t expect moms to just keep running themselves down to nothing, but everyone will let you if you don’t complain about it because it’s easier than just helping you. You can’t have any shame about it; you can’t hide away; you have to be open about how you feel so that they have to give you the help you and your baby need. I honestly wouldn’t want my baby around someone that was having these thoughts about them, so everyone in that baby’s life needs to know you feel like this so they can keep the baby safe (by helping you, not by taking her away!).
It takes a village to raise a baby. And I think you need to seek help from your close ones, if your husband works most days. I see that you are exhausted and you need a break. My LO was just the same. She had reflux too, and with that came a lot of fussiness. She cried most of the time, and I dreaded feeding her. But with time, she’s gotten a lot better; now she’s a healthy and happy 7-month-old girl who steals our hearts with her cheeky smile. And I want to assure you that it’s just a phase, and TIME will change everything you’re experiencing now. Things will get easier. And once you get the hang of it, it will get easier for both of you.
Where are you located? I feel like there should be more, like, miserable mom meetups because this shit is so hard. Especially when you’ve got a fuss butt and it seems like others have it so easy .
Mine is almost 5 months now, and she’s gotten a lot better, but it’s still so hard because she’s basically attached to me all day long. Sleeps good at night, but fusses quickly whenever she’s put down for me to try to get anything done, and cat naps during the day—almost impossible to get a non-contact nap. So yeah, every single waking hour is so draining, and I’m always wondering what other moms are doing differently. I constantly just stare at things that need to be done or stuff I’d rather be doing, and that gets so overwhelming for my brain. Some days I’m better at it than others for sure.
No advice really, just solidarity. My fussiness started to improve at 3 months, and more so at 4 months. But then this past week has been rough. Mine has hated the car seat, but we just did the stroller up so that it’s forward-facing now, and she seems to be happier looking out so far. We took her to IKEA the other day just to walk around the store, and she was good the whole time. Wondering if this means I’ll be able to take her places to help switch up the monotony of every day.
Do you walk away when you get pissed? I’ve definitely started to let her cry a little bit more lately. Like, if I’m doing something. When you hear them cry so much, it seems like it’s not as hard to let them cry as I feel like it would be with a happy baby crying . Do you have the Baby Einstein Sea Dreams soother in her crib? We got that kind of late, and it’s been pretty game-changing in certain situations.
I can relate; however, how strong your emotions are, I agree with everyone saying you may have PPD. My baby had oral ties that had to be revised, a major dairy allergy, colic, and reflux. It has been HARD. She won’t let anyone but me hold her, and she will not sleep anywhere but on me. I can’t even put her in a carrier. I TOTALLY relate, really I do, and I think I have a touch of PPD. It sounds like you do, but worse than me. I’m sorry, OP; I really hope things get better and you find a solution that will work for you. I hope you have someone you completely trust that could assist with the baby. I do, but they live far away, so I essentially have no help. My bf works all the time, but I am blessed to not have to worry about work because we own our business, and I can stay home as long as I need. I know it gets easier. But it feels SO far away.
I was once in your trenches too, and I promise you - there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Please look into Mommy & Me Groups or even a local PPD class. My hospital offered one, and I think at about 5-6 months is when I started going. I met one of my really good friends there, actually. I have continued to grow my village via mommy and me groups, etc. I honestly thought my village was much bigger when I had my baby, but in reality, many are busy and have their own lives to handle and cannot always provide the support we need to keep afloat. Mommy & Me chat text groups are a great place to start for that support. The one I went to began when our babies were 6 weeks to 3 months. Everyone had burping, spitting up, farting, poopy diapers, and some breastfeeding babies right there in action in the class—those moments were the ones I was thankful for. Knowing we weren’t all going through the hard stuff alone.
Solidarity. Damn, this was me. Gear up because the four-month regression will hit like a brick. I also have developed arthritis, and a lot of the time I feel like the baby is depleting me.
I always longed for an easy baby. One that I could dress up, take to the mall, and have a meal while they slept in the car seat. That was never the case, as mine I believe had colic and is just temperamental.
Once my LO started smiling, it got a little better, but I didn’t realize there was a fussy period at the four-month regression, and now I’m back to the newborn days with an angry, crying infant and a sleep-deprived mama.
Feel free to DM me if you ever just need someone to talk to or vent because I’m in the same boat!
Hello! You sound like me from the past. I had to go on an antifungal for almost 18 days straight before we eradicated thrush from our home. I also boiled everything that touched my nipples and the kiddos’ mouths after every use. I did wash every item of clothing or wipe in the disinfect cycle as well. It took me two months of solid wiping and medication to beat thrush. I thought I was in hell. You absolutely can beat this and will.
Ask your doctor for a prescription for the compounded nipple cream with pain relief and an oral antifungal. Thrush truly made me feel like I had made a mistake becoming a mom too. It sucks.
You’re not alone. There’s a reason calling someone a baby is an insult. Babies are HARD.
I’m with you. My babe is 7 months now, and that fussy stage is a roller coaster. He’s learning to crawl right now, which is a hard skill to learn and incites so much fuss. He whines all the time. He needs constantly changing play stations. We just put up our Christmas tree, which is thankfully a new and relaxing center for him. My cousin had a girl 5 days before us, and she sleeps through the night, is so happy, playful, and interactive. We’ve had a drastically different experience. Mine had colic, tongue and lip tie, extremely painful farts, up all night, screaming at 2 AM; the list goes on.
I downloaded the Sims on my phone and I play that behind his back while supporting him during playtime. It’s a nice escape. I can disassociate when I need to. I listen to podcasts through headphones when he’s extra hard. And when the teething starts, oof. We resort to Tylenol.
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. Do you have the Baby Einstein Sea Dreams soother in her crib? We got that kind of late, and it’s been pretty game-changing in certain situations.
I hope you have someone you completely trust that could assist with the baby. I do, but they live far away, so I essentially have no help. My bf works all the time, but I am blessed to not have to worry about work because we own our business, and I can stay home as long as I need. I know it gets easier. But it feels SO far away.