How do you "get over" a traumatic birth?

Mental Health Forum
1

I was induced at 37 weeks due to gestational hypertension. I had this whole romanticized idea in my head of what it would be like. I thought I was being realistic. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine what kind of turns it would take.

I was really wanting to avoid a csection, but knew it was a possibility. I wanted to wait for an epidural, and I did until that pitocin hit on day 3. Day 1 was uneventful. We went in and started on miso, had a cervical check and was at 0cm. Went to sleep and figured the next day the miso would have progressed me a bit. They checked in the AM and I was only barely 1cm dilated. This cervical check was excruciating. I sobbed after. Things went downhill from there. They decided to try to place a foley balloon. I used nitrous for this one, they couldn’t get it in. I sobbed more. Both because of the discomfort and for the fact it was day 2 and I hadn’t progressed. We continued miso into the next morning.

Cervical check #3 I was just barely 2cm. Tried again for the balloon…the doctor broke the speculum inside of me. Thank GOD a midwife came in to help. She was really a godsend and I wish I had been able to work with solely midwives for the rest of the catastrophe because they were the only piece of sanity I had. She came in, changed my position, and got the balloon in easily. I felt a little more hopeful.

Day 4 my BP shot through the roof. Now it’s severe preeclampsia, multiple different medications to attempt to bring it down, and a mag drip. Still only a few cm dilated. They removed the balloon, I was 3cm ish. Started pitocin. Maybe an hour later got my epidural. I was still in pain. We changed a bunch of positions and eventually I got sort of comfortable.

Day 5 I actually don’t remember much of. I know I was in pain despite my epidural but it wasn’t horrific until that night. I didn’t get any sleep really. I was moaning uncontrollably in pain. I was hallucinating. I forgot what city I was in. I had the nurse call the anesthesiologist and they gave me another bolus of epidural. This time I went numb from the waist down but it was welcomed. I slept a couple of hours, woke up at 8 when the doctor came in to check my cervix again. I was still only 5cm on day 6. By this point that bolus had worn off and I was in agony again. I was sobbing and completely gave up. I couldn’t take it anymore, I was still hallucinating and absolutely losing touch. The doctor scrubbed up and took me back for a csection.

After ALL of this, it turns out baby was in a weird position, so every time I contracted he crammed into my pelvis rather than my cervix. He was so crammed that his head was elongated and my bladder got beat up to the point my catheter was full of blood.

I was in recovery for 3 more days, dealing with spiking blood pressure. I was so swollen from the mag I didn’t recognize my face in the mirror. The first day and a half I was still hallucinating.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. I mostly needed to get it all out. But now I’m left wondering how I move past all of this. Whenever I think about it I get horribly sad. I want to remember at least the good bits but I can’t seem to recall them.

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3

No real advice just sending hugs, that sounds SO rough and I’m sorry you had to go through that. Maybe unpacking in therapy might be helpful?

4

I did not have a traumatic birth, but I did remember the first few months constantly reliving the birth. It took time for me to “get over it”, but I’d also never be against therapy to help you process trauma.

I’m also really sorry that happened to you, sounds like a nightmare. How awful.

5

Took me about a month, to be honest. Nowhere near as traumatic as yours, but had three failed shunts of epidural, after which it was too late and had to do the whole thing with no pain relief except gas and air, which I had to stop using cos it made me vomit. Baby was face presenting, so he got stuck and tore my vagina to shreds. Got puerperal fever afterwards, so a week later spent about 24 hours passed out and twitching with fever, only coming around to shout nonsense at my husband who was trying to look after our baby (apparently I started ranting about ducks at one point).

Nearly two years later I laugh about it all, and it makes for a good story. I think it depends on the individual - I know some mothers who had to go to therapy after a traumatic birth.

You’re not alone in finding it traumatizing, honey - I think a lot more of us find it a horrible memory than people let on.

6

I also had a traumatic birth and therapy did wonders - I strongly recommend someone who specializes in EMDR therapy (typically used for PTSD/trauma, and honestly it should be recommended for anyone in our situation). 6 months postpartum and now I recognize those moments of birth as points in time instead of being flooded with anxiety, and also remember happy moments that I had otherwise forgotten/were overshadowed.

7

Hi, I also had a traumatic birth 6 weeks ago now and the tone of your post reminds me of how I felt after my son was born. I can tell you that for me, my mental health hasn’t improved in the past 6 weeks. It’s hard with a newborn but please try to find a good therapist for yourself now. I let it go for a little too long and am now getting night terrors and horrible flashbacks. If you start now, hopefully you can learn some techniques to help navigate your feelings as you process your experience. Sending virtual hugs :hugs:

8

I am so sorry. While I didn’t have a traumatic birth, I’ve been through other trauma. Talking about it helps. Writing it down like you just did. Telling your close family/friends. Therapy, if you can. Keep talking about it, cry about it, mourn the birth experience you didn’t get. You’ll move past this eventually, but your feelings are so valid and you deserve to feel them and process them. Don’t put pressure on yourself to move on right away.

Hugs! Snuggle your baby and give yourself time.

9

I had a traumatic pregnancy, birth, and genetic diagnosis at 12mo. LOTS of therapy and pharmaceuticals.

10

I am so so sorry to read your experience. You had such a hard time bringing your baby into the world. I think chatting with a counsellor might help. They are unbiased and can teach you coping mechanisms to reduce your trauma. I also wonder if your hospital offers a debrief for your birth? They do it here in the UK but not sure about where you are. Sometimes talking it through with them can help bring some closure.

I think there’s just not enough education for how giving birth is not always the same predictable experience. I had a straightforward birth albeit with an episiotomy and I still feel like I have trauma from it.

I hope you have a good support network and people you can talk to about this. All the best to you :heart:

11

That sounds super hard. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’ve found journaling, therapy, medication, and time to be the keys to recovering from trauma.

There is no prize for “getting over” trauma the fastest. Take your time to work through your feelings. It’s completely normal to have a wide range of feelings. What you went through was extremely challenging! If you didn’t have a ton of feelings about it, I would be surprised. As you work through this, you will probably have better days and worse days. Eventually, the better days will be better and more frequent, and the bad days won’t be as bad. It won’t be completely linear, but the trend will be towards better days as time passes.

You can do this. You already did a super hard thing. You can absolutely work through this.

12

My birth with my son was extremely traumatic as well. I’ve talked to therapists about it but I’m definitely not even close to “over it”, it’s been six years.

13

I am very sorry for what happened, but very happy to hear that you and your baby are okay.

While my birth story is not nearly as traumatic as yours, it still had its ups and downs. I was also induced at 37 weeks because I’m overweight and have high blood pressure outside of pregnancy. My baby’s heart rate kept dropping and then shooting back up to normal, but because it kept happening so frequently they had to stop contractions. Even when they restarted the contractions, her heart rate kept dropping and they rolled me in for an emergency c-section within 10-15 min. I’m grateful for the quick thinking and decision making by my doctor and the nurses.

Overall, while everyone has their ideal birth scenario planned out in their head, I think going in with an open mind of this or that can happen is what truly helped me not worry or be upset by how things went. Sure, I was anxious and worried, but I also really tried letting go and trusting the hospital staff. I think adopting this mindset and the fact that myself and my baby are healthy and okay has really helped me get over how things went. I hope that things get better for you.

14

Time and baby cuddles. I had a horrible birth with my second son. Taken from me and moved to another hospital for emergency surgery. I did not handle it well. Focusing on being there for my baby and leaning on the support of my husband helped me through it.

Hugs to you. It gets better.

15

@Wren
Seconding the baby cuddles. I had a traumatic birth that resulted in my baby having a brain injury, requiring a NICU stay and preventing me from holding her for her first 4 days. I was also in physically bad shape and it took a while to recover. I’ve spent the past 14 weeks snuggling my baby as much as possible, and that has been the most healing thing for me.

16

@Wei
Ugh. Your comment about not holding her for her first 4 days tells me that you’re an HIE mama too, aren’t you? I’m so sorry. My HIE baby is also 14 weeks today. I finally feel like I’m starting to see out of the heavy depressive fog that I’ve been in since his birth. Hugs to you and I’m here if you need to talk to someone else going through it.

17

Honestly I have this question for myself as well. I was already in therapy prior to pregnancy so continuing that has been helpful. I had a few complications during delivery but the scarier part was several days later I had to be taken by ambulance to the ER for postpartum hemorrhage which has really shaken me. I feel like I can’t trust my body and am irrationally afraid of being home alone with the baby. When I finally got home the second time I felt super depleted and still don’t quite physically feel like myself yet. Definitely not how I imagined either so I feel you on that!

It’s getting a bit better with time and talking about it. I would say overall my one regret relating to therapy is not starting sooner so if you can access that I highly recommend it. The other thing I’ve been sharing when it’s relevant is the website postpartum support international - they have free online support groups that I regularly attend also. Definitely recommend! There are some general postpartum online groups and then there is a birth trauma specific one but I haven’t tried that one yet.

Hope that helps!

18

Sorry this happened to you. I had a traumatic postpartum that I won’t get into the details about. My doctor says it will be at least 4 weeks before I start feeling better. Currently, drained and having flashbacks to my hospital stay. My arms have so many bruises from IVs and blood draws. I am so weak and in pain. I am so excited to have my baby here but am hurting so much myself. Truly do not wish this on anybody. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

19

I actually had a birth similar to yours. 4 days long, poor treatment and support, excruciating pain, obstructed labor resulting in an emergency c-section, issues with my bladder etc. I think about it a lot. I grieved the birth I should have had. I complained to the hospital about my mistreatment as I had a lot of issues, it helped to hold those accountable who let me down. Not everyone would want to do that, but it helped me process my anger. I got emotional support from a therapist and physical support from a pelvic floor physiotherapist, so I could support my recovery and I talked about it with other mothers (when people felt ready to talk about their own experiences). All of these things helped me move along a bit. It will always stay with me in the physical and emotional scars, but I try and give myself the compassion I deserve for going through such a difficult situation. I did the best I could. Other people let me down, which is unlucky, but not my fault. There is no time limit on when I have to feel better about it. I am happy I have my son, but I can also feel sad about his birth without any guilt.

20

I had to talk about my experience. I told every detail I could remember to my sister and my mom and my husband (even though he was there). I told some details to other people who were willing to listen. And I read all the notes from the L&D team multiple times. I don’t blame anyone for my experience, but I really needed to understand what happened to me because it felt so out of my control in the moment. I’m four months postpartum and I can talk about it and think about it with much more distance and perspective now.