If your baby is supposed to get about 11-12 hours of sleep each night (she’s 20 weeks old) and you have a job… HOW do you find enough hours in the day to spend with your baby? If we were to do a bedtime routine with her to aim for 12 hours of ‘night’ sleep, we’d only get about an hour after work with her.
Right now, she wakes up at 7 am and goes to bed by 8 pm. Moving her bedtime earlier could help her sleep better, but I really don’t want to miss out on spending time with her . HOW can we be involved parents, eat dinner, and have a well-rested little one at the same time?
Honestly, you don’t get much time. Most working parents probably have about an hour in the morning and maybe 2 hours in the evening. Meal prepping, saving all chores for after the kids go to bed, and minimizing your commute can help. Also, remember that caregiving tasks can be fun and bonding moments! You’re not just fitting in playtime but the routines of life can be playtoo!
@Isan
As a working parent, I’ve learned what matters:
The drive home is a chance to talk. When they’re little, narrate what you see outside; as they grow, ask about their day and share how much you missed them.
Use a crockpot if you can. If not, involve them in cooking when they’re a bit older. Sure, it creates a mess, but cooking and cleaning become bonding time and keeps them entertained. Quick meals, like canned veggies, still count!
If you’re really exhausted, don’t stress about having a sit-down dinner every night. Sometimes, we eat in the living room while enjoying a movie after long days at work; our toddler really loves that.
Consider hiring a cleaner if you can. It’s something we haven’t done yet, but I want to make sure I have quality time with my kids instead of worrying about cleaning baseboards.
I quit my job for this reason, but that’s not an option for many people. Before I left, I only saw my baby for about an hour when he was awake each day, and stretched to 1.5 hours if I was lucky. When I worked late, I didn’t see him at all.
@Pax
I’m finishing this week, and I’m heartbroken because I love my job and my team, but a 3+ hour round trip commute isn’t sustainable for my physical and emotional health with such little time with my baby. The toughest moments are when she cries for me in the morning while I have to prepare for work. Luckily, I can stay home until she turns one, after which we’ll consider daycare. I’m hoping to find a job with a 30-40 minute commute after that.
@Pax
I’m really grateful that my country offers a year of maternity leave. I just started back three days a week, which is tough, but we need my income. I had to work late today, so I missed bedtime, which stings a lot. This schedule of three days on, four days off is barely sustainable both emotionally and financially. It’s a balance.
I’m about to face this challenge in a month and I’m feeling so sad. She’ll wake up as I leave for work and only be active for 1.5 to 2 hours when I get home. I thought about moving her bedtime later so she’d wake up later, allowing for a little more sleep on weekends, but then I wouldn’t see her at all in the mornings. I’m really unsure about the right approach.
Abi said: @Aeron
We delayed bedtime and I don’t regret it one bit. I get more quality time with my baby.
I think I want to try that too. Mornings are rough for me, and I need time to wake up, so I don’t see mornings as ‘quality time.’ What’s your new bedtime?
My work allowed me to change my hours to an earlier start, so I work from 8 am to 4 pm instead of 9 to 5. I get home by 4:30 instead of closer to 6 pm, and my baby goes to bed at 7. This change gives me more time!
It gets better with age. I felt the same when my son was younger and needed 12 hours of sleep. By about 7 months, he dropped to about 11 hours at night, and we adjusted bedtime to 8, so now I feel like I have decent time every day. About 1.5 hours in the morning and 2.5-3 in the evening. Plus all day on weekends and holidays
I also try to adjust my work schedule whenever possible to have more time with him.
You don’t really get enough time. Sadly, it’s about an hour to an hour and a half. Please don’t compromise your baby’s sleep, though. I know parents who do that, and now their kids have trouble sleeping even at 3.5. They sacrificed their sleep for more time, but the child wakes up multiple times and needs help going back to sleep.
Being a parent is about doing what’s best for your child.
Value the time you have with your child so it feels like 24 hours together.
Also, set work boundaries. My job is aware I come in at 8:30 and leave at 4:30. We drop him off at 8, and he’s picked up by 5 at the latest.
I make it work by prioritizing my family. I’m stuck in a job I’m overqualified for, but it’s easier so I can finish sooner. I’m fortunate enough to work remotely.
I’ll revamp my career when my baby goes to school full-time.
My baby sleeps about 10.5-11 hours a night, so I get time with her before her bedtime. I also work from home several days, starting early and finishing early, which gives me more time to spend with her after work.
During my pregnancy, I planned to enroll my baby in a bilingual Montessori school about 30 minutes away as they got older. Until then, I found a daycare just five minutes from home.
Well… He won’t be going to that Montessori school anymore. The 1-hour commute for drop-off and pick-up means I wouldn’t get enough meaningful time with him. I actually prefer to have that extra hour together daily.
Ugh, I’m so anxious about going back to work for this reason. Only three months left! My commute is nearly an hour each way, so I leave at 7 and come home almost at 6.
My partner works from home and has more flexibility. He’ll take our baby to daycare and pick her up, so when I finally get home, they’ll already be there. I worry that I’ll only get to see our baby from 6 to 7. My heart aches thinking about this.
I quit my job for this exact reason and switched to remote work so I could spend time with my daughter. I’m so lucky to have a supportive network helping watch her during the day because I felt I was missing out way too much. She’s 20 months now; I started working from home when she was 9-10 months, and it has been a blessing.