How do you complete tasks with a newborn?

Mental Health Forum
1

How are you managing anything with a newborn? My boy is 5 weeks old and has reflux, so he needs to be upright for 30 minutes after feeds. He mostly sleeps through the night, so he eats and stays awake all day. He gets uncomfortable and fussy. He doesn’t like baby-wearing when he’s fussing, and sometimes he fusses because of it. I’m exclusively breastfeeding, so I’m stuck to the bed to feed him.

My house is a mess. I like it to be clean, but it’s a disaster. There’s stuff everywhere, and everything’s disorganized. I can’t find anything. It’s not terrible, but I hate it. My husband helps a lot; he’ll clean if I ask him to and sometimes even without me asking. It’s just a lot. I can’t leave the baby alone. He doesn’t like his swing, and I don’t want to leave him there while I do stuff. I can’t leave the room because no one is watching him, and he doesn’t sleep for more than 30 minutes. If I move him or startle him awake, forget it for another 3 hours.

I used to have a daily routine where I’d go room by room and clean each one daily. Now I can’t, and I really hate it. I miss my routine. I hate that I can’t do it anymore. Forget finding time to cook dinner, which was part of that routine too. I used to be really proud of how clean the house was and that I could cook every night for my husband. Now he just comes home to nothing and a mess, and it makes me feel so bad.

On top of that, my car is totaled, and we somehow need to find time to get a new one with the baby. I forgot to pay our credit card bill for the first time in my life. My health insurance expired, and I’ve been running around the city trying to get my paperwork sorted to extend it. We had a hole in our wall (fixed by my husband, which I am SO grateful for). We all need doctor’s appointments and dentist appointments. The trash is always full, the fridge is full of expired food I didn’t have time to eat, and the laundry always needs to be done.

I wish I wasn’t bothered by these things, but I can’t take care of my baby if he doesn’t have what he needs. And I can’t bring myself to let him live in a dirty, disorganized house with stuff everywhere.

So my question is, how do you keep your life together with a newborn? He doesn’t nap during the day long enough for me to do what I need to do. My husband works long hours and I can’t watch him long enough for me to get things done (not his fault; there’s just not enough time in the day). I don’t want to leave him alone while he’s awake. I can’t baby-wear him most of the time. I’m lost. If I can’t do it now, when will I be able to?

And for parents with more than one kid, how do you manage to get things done? What do you do, and how do you do it?

2

That’s the thing, you don’t. We are no longer the same people we were before having children. A lot of ‘figuring it out’ is simply accepting that only the most important tasks will be completed, and everything else is a someday thing.

But you’ll grow better at fitting things in as they get more autonomy, but don’t anticipate much till they’re in school or childcare.

3

:100:this. You’re in survival mode. Simply focus on eating, sleeping, and taking a shower (a luxury).

It’s unfortunate that the house is unorganized, but you simply don’t have the time or energy to deal with it.

As a working FT with a 1.5-year-old FTM, my tasks are still waiting but becoming more manageable. Please keep in mind that my spaces are packed with toys and debris. And it will most likely never be the pre-kids for a time. Adapt and you’ll be fine with an unfinished laundry basket in your dining room for a day or two.

4

Exactly this. Your house is a disaster; it comes with the territory. My baby is about 9 months old, and while I can get things done on some days, the rest of the house is a mess. It’s just life with babies!!

5

This! After 5½ months, we’ve only recently begun to prioritize getting the house back in order. :raised_hands:

6

This is really true: we all have messy homes, struggle to fold laundry, and can’t find time for everything. Oh, and there’s something called postpartum fog, which causes you to forget things. It gets better; just focus on getting through each phase - they do pass. :green_heart:.

Sometimes I chip away at laundry and it takes me a few days to fold shit; that’s simply our current situation.

7

Also, your baby is no longer 5 weeks old, so there is a lot of “figuring it out” involved. It appears never-ending because it has been like this for your baby’s entire life. But they do grow up and become more self-sufficient, and you ultimately get out of this crazy era of life.

8

Who is out there getting things done with a five-week-old? Nobody that I know!

9

Thank you; all of these remarks are very validating. It’s good to know I’m alone. I prepared another post about it, but my mother made some disparaging remarks about the state of my house and how it appears like I am struggling (I had just cleaned everything and all that remained was a few plates and one or two objects on the table). I believe that is where the insecurity about the mess stems from. To be fair, I’ve never liked messiness or disorder, but it didn’t bother me this much a year or two ago.

10

Ugh. I was going to say one of the way I got things done was my family helping me. I don’t know what your dynamic is, but if she says something about you struggling, why not just say yes, you need help and suggest she do X? Boo to her if she is just being undermining.

11

At 5 weeks, I was in survival mode—breastfeeding, napping, binging “Malcolm in the Middle,” and trying to soothe a crying baby. The biggest adjustment was learning that these little ones always want to be held. You can’t put them down for 2 minutes, which is super normal but takes some getting used to.

Now I’m breastfeeding my 5-month-old boy. He can hold his weight and is okay for small chunks of time (about 15 minutes) in the bouncer or on the floor by himself. I do some tasks—dishes, makeup, brushing my teeth, making the bed—one-handed, with him in the other arm. Sometimes I put him in the Ergobaby carrier and can get quite a bit done.

I tried timing naps to get work done (I work freelance from home), but his naps are still inconsistent. I’d end up getting frustrated with either my clients or him, which wasn’t fair to any of us. Now I schedule work during the 4-8 hours a week we have childcare. (He loves his nanny, Perla!)

To be honest, my partner does much of the household stuff, and we have a cleaner once a week. I get to be mom, breastfeed my kid, and rest. I can’t imagine it feeling manageable any other way.

(We live in Mexico as expats. I don’t think I could afford all of this in the States, to be honest!)

12

We also binge watched Malcolm in the midst!! I saw it from a brand-new (parent) perspective.

13

I agree with the above comment; none of us are holding it together like we were before the baby. But try to do small things throughout the day, such as loading dishes into the dishwasher as you walk by or straightening up as you move around the house.

I use the Fischer Price bouncer, and we place a folded blanket in the bottom to assist the baby sit up more (excellent for after feeding). It can vibrate, and I’ll place her beneath the ceiling fan with a pacifier so she can feed or anything quickly.