How an emergency delivery changed my views on motherhood

I went into labor a week before my due date. My pregnancy went smoothly and was pretty uneventful. But then labor started early, and it lasted 24 hours before the doctors informed me I needed an emergency C-section due to a high fever and my baby’s heart rate being at risk. I was told that after the C-section, my baby would need to go to the NICU. The surgery went well, but my baby had to stay in the NICU and was on supplemental oxygen because of fluid in his lungs. He stayed there for four days before he could finally come to our room on the last day at the hospital. During that time, I couldn’t do any skin-to-skin contact or try breastfeeding. After using formula for the last four days and seeing how easy and convenient it is, I’ve lost interest in breastfeeding, knowing that formula allows both me and my husband to share responsibilities and helps me recover faster.

Now, I feel a bit guilty for not breastfeeding. Even the lactation consultant made me feel less capable for even considering just using formula…

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Using formula has really helped my mental state, and I encourage it, especially if you’ve had a rough start and are recovering. Lactation consultants can be quite judgmental and often make mothers feel guilty if they decide not to or cannot breastfeed.

@Sky
I had an emergency C-section with my first child and fought hard to breastfeed. I mean triple feeding for weeks, which meant pumping after every feed. I cried a lot, feeling overwhelmed. It felt crazy for at least the first month.

Just remember, fed is best, and a healthy, sane mom is the most important.

@Nash
Triple feeding every two hours is totally unrealistic, especially in the early weeks after giving birth!

Tobin said:
@Nash
Triple feeding every two hours is totally unrealistic, especially in the early weeks after giving birth!

Adding the pain from the traumatic emergency C-section made it unbearable. If I wasn’t so stubborn, I would have quit right away.

@Nash
I did the same after a tough birth. Even in the hospital, I was wheeled to the NICU every 3 hours to try breastfeeding without much help. Then I’d try formula feeding because the NICU staff wanted him fed! I’d then head back to my room for a short nap. The postpartum nurses would shame me for not pumping…

I ended up triple feeding for a long time after seeing a lactation consultant several times. My husband returned to work at six weeks, and I eventually stopped pumping because I just couldn’t keep up with it. But after a mix of nursing and formula, it felt okay to stop nursing. I really could have saved my sanity if we had used formula from the start!

I decided to use formula right from the start, even before my baby was born. I knew I had a higher risk of postpartum issues due to past mental health challenges. Plus, I didn’t want the added stress of breastfeeding. I’m so thankful that my husband can help feed her too.

I admire the moms who manage to breastfeed; you’re amazing. But it just wasn’t the best choice for us. You should do what’s right for you and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about your choice.

Fed is best! Hospitals encourage breastfeeding, I think they have incentives to promote it. I’m sorry you had to deal with that lactation consultant; they should support your decisions.

To be a good mom, you need to take care of yourself too. If formula works best for your family, go for it! Those who criticize don’t really matter.

@Ann
“Baby Friendly” is what my hospital called it. Sounds good ideally, but it doesn’t always put mothers first in practice.

Kit said:
@Ann
“Baby Friendly” is what my hospital called it. Sounds good ideally, but it doesn’t always put mothers first in practice.

Absolutely agree with this.

I could only produce about 3 ounces of breast milk a day while pumping three times daily and crying from the pain. I realize now I pushed myself through that because I felt guilty about not being a good mom and not breastfeeding.

After many sleepless nights and struggles, I decided to switch to formula. I was worried my baby wasn’t getting enough to eat and felt so sad and drained.

Now my baby is 8 months old and thriving with formula! I did a lot of research and chose goat-based formula which has been great for her. It’s light and easy on sensitive tummies. I’m not sure if she needs it, but I wanted to do my best. It can be pricey though, around 30 to 50 dollars for a can, depending on the brand.

I encourage you to do your research and choose what is best for both you and your baby. Your well-being matters too. If you’re not feeling well mentally, it can affect your parenting. The fact that you care shows you are a great parent already.

Maybe the lactation consultant just wants to keep her job, it’s a bit crazy how many babies are formula-fed.

@Miller
Which goat formula did you choose?

Teal said:
@Miller
Which goat formula did you choose?

We started with Kendamil goat, which was wonderful! But they have low stock and would run out for weeks. It became stressful, as you needed to buy at least 5 cans to avoid shortages. So we switched to Bubs formula at around 5 months, which is similar. Both are great!

Kendamil costs about $45, and it’s from Europe. Bubs is about $33 and from Australia.

After having an emergency C-section and taking care of a baby with a g-tube, please do what is right for you! I really dislike lactation consultants. I tried everything to increase my milk but felt guilty for not succeeding. They kept giving me advice that didn’t work. You went through a tough experience, so give yourself some grace and remember that fed is best.

Is your lactation consultant linked to the hospital? I learned from my pediatrician that hospitals get paid or have incentives to have more parents leave saying they plan to exclusively breastfeed. This doesn’t mean it’s bad, but there’s motivation behind it. Don’t feel guilty for doing what’s best for you and your family.

@Sam
Wow, this explains why the hospital lactation consultants were so unhelpful. I didn’t feel supported until I saw a different one at the pediatrician’s office.

I can’t believe the lactation consultant said that. You are in survival mode right now, and you need to do what’s best for your family. If breastfeeding is still something you want to try, it’s not too late. There are great resources on the breastfeeding sub. And try to find another lactation consultant who supports your choices. You’re doing great!

Honestly, if I could go back, I’d advise myself to use formula from day one.

We tried breastfeeding, but experienced latch issues, which made me feel like I had to pump to provide breast milk. It made everything so much harder. Switching to formula made me happier and I enjoyed my baby more.

Don’t let what I call “Big Boob” stress you out. When I told my doctor I’d given up on breastfeeding, he was so chill about it. He said formula has everything she needs and breastfeeding is a mutual choice. It’s true, formula has the nutrients your baby needs, and the benefits of breastfeeding can be debatable. My siblings and I were formula-fed, and I was the only one who had ear infections, which turned out to be related to my tonsils, not the formula.

So if you need a sign that it’s fine to keep using formula, this is it!

Wishing you an easy recovery!

@Cabby
Totally agree. Many studies on breastfeeding don’t take into account all the different factors that can impact results. In my opinion, the benefits of breastfeeding are often exaggerated and don’t work for everyone.