This is not a post to shame parents. I understand daycare is sometimes the only or preferred choice for families, and I do not want any negativity being spread.
I’ve been a stay-at-home mom to my 10-month-old, but we need money, so I have to go back to work. I can’t shake the thought that I’m getting a job, earning a paycheck, and using it to pay for someone else to care for her. We’ve toured daycares and seen the good and the bad, and I worry my baby might think I’m abandoning her or that it could affect her attachment. I’ve read that there’s no clear evidence of daycare being cognitively beneficial before age 3.
Seeing my baby cry breaks my heart, and the thought of someone else not knowing how to comfort her is tough. I know daycare workers will learn how to soothe her over time, but they also have other children to care for
I started going to daycare as soon as it was allowed in the 80s, but I never doubted my mother’s love for me. She was the one who provided for our family, so going back to work was essential.
In our situation, we were struggling financially with my wife staying home, so she had to start working, and we needed to put our child in daycare. At first, he wasn’t happy about it since he had only interacted with us for the first few years. However, he soon adapted and grew to love his daycare teachers and friends. Even so, he still gets excited to see us, running up to give hugs and share how much fun he’s had.
Daycare doesn’t mean your child will love you any less; it just means they get to know and care about more people, who hopefully will love them in return.
I want you to know that I share many of the same concerns you have. I really understand where you’re coming from.
I highly recommend listening to the podcast episode titled “You Can’t Be A Perfect Parent: Mother/Child Attachment Styles and More with Dr. Jaclyn Nofech-Mozes” from Conversations with Cam. It came to me at just the right moment and really helped me sort through my thoughts. Dr. Nofech-Mozes discusses how the term “attachment” is often misused on social media, and there are many misconceptions and attempts to sell you something. According to her research, the most important factor for a secure attachment is the mother’s mental health, not sleep training, breastfeeding, or daycare. It’s a really insightful episode.
For what it’s worth, my 6-month-old has adjusted well to daycare. It’s still tough for me at times, but seeing him happy makes it easier.
I discovered this podcast episode while we were deep into the challenges of transitioning to daycare, and I was struggling a lot. Listening to it felt like hitting a reset button in my mind, helping me better understand and cope with the idea of sending our baby to daycare.
It’s natural to feel conflicted about returning to work and using daycare, especially when you’ve been the primary caregiver. Balancing work and parenting is challenging, and it’s understandable to worry about your baby’s adjustment. Remember that many children thrive in daycare environments, and your feelings are valid and shared by many parents.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s comforting to hear that your child adapted well to daycare and continued to show affection for you and your family. Your perspective on how daycare doesn’t impact a child’s love for their parents but rather expands their circle of care is really insightful. It’s great to know that, despite the initial adjustment, your child found joy and support from their daycare environment. Your story is encouraging for those of us facing similar decisions. Thanks for the reassurance!