I know millennials and Gen Z often criticize boomers and previous generations. I’ve talked to older people who have said things like, “If your baby is alive, they’re fine.”
I’m not saying we shouldn’t love our children, but it feels like our generation is striving for perfection. We worry about things like, “Did I yell too much?” “Does that food have the right protein/carb ratio?” “Did I say ‘I love you’ enough?” “Is the bedroom 0.5 degrees too hot?”
I understand that times change and our understanding evolves, but lately, I’ve been questioning our parenting approach. The constant stream of advice and suggestions on social media is making my anxiety worse.
It’s always, “If you don’t do this, your baby will suffer,” or “If you don’t do that, they’ll have developmental issues.”
While people might dislike hearing it from older generations, sometimes I wonder if there’s truth in their words when they say, “Your parents turned out fine,” or “You turned out fine.” Turning out fine doesn’t mean being perfect with perfectly built bodies and the happiest person in the world.
I don’t strive for perfection because that’s impossible. Instead, I aim to be well, informed, and science-based, and to avoid the mistakes my parents made (though I’m sure I’ll make different ones). I chose to bring her into this world, so until she can take responsibility for her own health and happiness, that’s my job, and I take it seriously. I’m grateful to have access to more information and different perspectives on parenting.
Half the world tells you you’re doing too much, and the other half says you’re not doing enough, so I don’t pay much attention to that. As someone with anxiety, I recommend trying therapy—it works wonders. That’s how I discovered my anxiety was caused by expectations placed on me as a child. Hopefully, I can avoid making that mistake with my own child.
I completely agree. As parents, we’re all trying to do what’s best for our babies. I’m sure that as more research comes out, our future adult children will do things differently and tell us what we did wrong. Our parents did what they thought was right at the time, just as we are now.
Therapy worked wonders for me too in the early postpartum days. I stay off mom TikTok because some videos can romanticize parenting and motherhood. While it is amazing, it can also be super hard and trying some days, and that’s okay.
I completely agree with this take. When I was preparing for my first baby, everyone around me, especially those with kids, would low-key make fun of me for doing too much. I constantly heard, “All that reading and research will go down the drain once the baby comes,” but I didn’t care. I wanted to be well-informed because this tiny, helpless human depends on me, and I will do everything I can to give her the best start in life.
Some of my friends joked that the first kid is a trial run and you truly learn to be a parent with your second. As a firstborn, that always irked me. My daughter isn’t some project I’m doing to perfect for the next time. I can confidently say that at 19 months, the information I gathered before her arrival and during the early days really helped, and no, it did not all “go out the window.
I concur with everything said. To be honest though, I’m getting a little tired of feeling guilty every time I let the baby go unattended, or if she consumes unhealthy food or watches TV. The strain of aiming for an ideal that doesn’t seem reachable is immense on one’s mental well-being. Despite all of the knowledge and evidence I consume, I remain a human being.
For me, guilt feels like an intrusive thought. Even though social media can trigger it, I treat it the same way. For example, if my baby is watching a hockey game with her dad so I can sleep, I remind myself that being well-rested will make me more present with her. It’s not ideal, but I’ve done the research and made an informed decision, so I tell myself, “Back off, guilt!”
When guilt comes from another mom or someone else, I remind myself that we all have different resources, support, and skills. What’s easy or important to her might not be to me, or it might stem from her own insecurities. If I’ve done the research and made informed decisions, then I’ve done a good job in my mind. Plus, I don’t follow any mommy bloggers or trad wives!