Can't you get anything done with newborns?

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So, I’m TTC right now, and I’ve noticed a lot of entries on here regarding the ups and downs of parenting. There are a few things I can’t quite get my head around, and I’d want to start by noting that I’ve never had a baby, so I’m not here to judge! I’m really inquisitive, perplexed, and perhaps still quite inexperienced when it comes to babies, hehe.

For example, many new parents complain that they can’t get anything done and haven’t showered in days. Isn’t it true that babies and newborns sleep a lot? Couldn’t you just take the baby in a bouncer with you to the restroom and shower? Even if they cry, as long as they are nourished and safe, a few minutes of weeping shouldn’t hurt, right? How is it so hard to get a shower in? (I’m not judging—I just feel like there’s something lacking here, haha).

Another thing I’ve noticed is that many claim the wailing is overwhelming—as if the infant has colic, which sounds dreadful and tiresome. But I have never heard anyone mention using headphones. I feel overwhelmed by too much noise, so I guess if I were in that circumstance, I’d just put on noise-canceling headphones and play some music while reassuring the infant. Is that a no-go? Are you not supposed to do that? I just never see anyone address it, and I’m wondering if there’s an unspoken rule or anything.

And, aside from being exhausted, couldn’t you wear your baby in a carrier and accomplish these easy tasks, such as folding clothes or preparing a meal? I’m fortunate to have my husband to assist with the larger jobs, but for the smaller ones, I feel like I could simply carry the baby with me, right?

Again, I’m not criticizing someone who says they can’t get anything done because parenting is difficult. I’m just wondering how you got to that position. Is it just weariness and lack of sleep (which is completely valid :sob:), or are there additional things that I, as a rookie, am not considering? I honestly don’t know what day-to-day life with an infant is like, so I’d appreciate any input!

EDIT: Wow, you guys are amazing! All of your comments provided me with so much insight! I’m not sure why I completely forgot that before I even get to the newborn phase, I need to go through labor and let my body to heal for a few weeks, hehe.

Your comments regarding feeding really opened my eyes—I had no idea how much time it takes and how frequently you had to do it. In my head, I had this idea of just popping out a boob, let the baby to eat, then falling asleep, burping a little, and that’s it :joy:. I guess I am more naive than I imagined!

I also forgot about the added tasks that come with having a baby, such as baby clothes, diaper changes, bottle sterilization, and so on. You’ve all helped me comprehend what it’s like to have a baby, and I’m quite grateful. At the same time, I know every experience and LO is unique, and I won’t really comprehend it unless I experience it myself :sweat_smile:.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful support system, so even if everything feels a little scary and stressful, I’m still hopeful and happy to (hopefully) be pregnant soon!

Another EDIT: Wow, you guys have really opened my eyes to the entire baby wailing thing. I didn’t understand it wasn’t just the crying that was difficult, but also how your’mommy instinct’ comes in and reacts physically and emotionally, adding to the stress. I now see why noise-canceling headphones are not the complete solution. I used to think it was just sensory overload, which is undoubtedly a factor, but when hormones and that mommy instinct are included, I can see how powerful it can get.

I absolutely completely agree, being well-rested and free to sleep whenever I want makes it easy for me to maintain a sober perspective on everything right now. I honestly don’t believe I’ve ever experienced the kind of sleep deprivation that new parents go through, and I can only imagine how much it affects your daily life.

I’d also like to explain that I believe my first post came off as a bit shaming,’ as if I was stating that not completing home tasks implies you’re accomplishing nothing. But from what I’ve read, you’re getting a lot done, raising small beings and keeping them alive, which is obviously far more important than folding clothes at this point, haha!

Finally, the most essential takeaway from all of this is that it is all up to you and your baby. I know I can’t be entirely prepared, but you’ve all made me feel much more knowledgeable. Maybe I’ll update this post in the future, probably while I’m in the trenches of the newborn phase. :sweat_smile:

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That’s a great point! Every baby is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.

It’s fascinating to hear how your experience has changed as your baby has grown. The challenges of showering with a mobile toddler are definitely different from the challenges of showering with a newborn.

The “brain on fire” feeling you describe is a common experience for many new parents. It’s a combination of physical and emotional factors, including the instinct to protect and care for your baby. It’s a powerful reminder of the deep bond that forms between a parent and their child.

They do sleep a lot, but they truly want to be with you. My son refused to sleep in his bassinet for the first three weeks. Granted, he was nearly a month early, but this is rather frequent even in full-term kids. My mother stayed with us, and we all worked turns for weeks. During the day, things were considerably worse. He wouldn’t sleep unless he was with us till he was much older. We had a lengthy contact nap.
After a while, babywearing becomes a valuable tool. But there are some issues with that as well. If you have a C-section, you will be unable to do so for some time. You are not “supposed” to wear a baby until it weighs around 8 pounds. All of the carriers say 8 pounds. You might probably get away with some of the wraps with a smaller baby, but my kid weighed just 6 pounds when he arrived home, and it made me nervous not to follow any recommendations. Another challenge for new parents is getting the baby into a carrier or wrap, especially when they have no head/neck control! I also found babywearing to be really painful in the early stages of nursing because I was continuously leaking and engorged.

Finally, it’s not that you can’t do these tasks; it’s just that many individuals lack the necessary energy. It’s a strange little instinctive thing in new mothers that your whole focus is on the kid, and everything else takes a back seat. In the early days, it takes all of your focus and energy to meet the demands of the newborn. Plus, you’re doing everything on very little sleep. I mean, we slept for months in 2-3 hour chunks.

I have a terrific spouse that accomplishes a lot, but he was also exhausted hehe. The main line is that it’s harder than you realize before you go through it. You’re not being irrational, just a little naive! It’s fine, I was too, hehe. It’s difficult to understand the infant stage until you’ve experienced it! And it is heavily influenced by your baby’s personality, your healing, and other factors. It’s incredibly unique!

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Absolutely agree about reacting to weeping. I don’t know what hormones did to me, but I couldn’t just watch him cry; my brain would instantly flip to panic gear and tell me to comfort him right away.

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This is absolutely it. Studies have shown that when you hear your baby cry, you not only release stress hormones (such as cortisol), but also chemicals that cause terror.

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And it’s amusing how much that changes as they become older. I’m 8 months pregnant and was just thinking about the differences yesterday. I have an almost 2-year-old, and we had a doctor’s appointment, so I needed to get ready. He took hold of the toothpaste and attempted to consume it. I wrestled the toothpaste away, and he threw himself on the floor, crying and stomping his feet for the whole of my shower. His cries didn’t bother me when I was showering; I had pretty well filtered them out lol. It’s amazing how much difference two years can make. When he was a newborn, I would go a few days without showering because his cries bothered me so much.

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Likewise with the crying reflex, especially early on! I guess it’s partly hormonal. Mine would cause me to experience true chest aches as well as extreme anxiety.

Furthermore, my letdown would feel like I had inserted a fork into a socket, as both LO crying and nursing would cause a letdown. Until approximately 6 months in, I would clench my teeth in discomfort whenever I felt one.

Waiting for someone else to hold the baby so I could shower was less painful. It subsided after a few months, but it was excruciatingly painful, especially at first.

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Yup. Chest pain and anxiousness. Now they’re 1 and 3, and it still happens, but less intensely (depending on how loud it gets :cold_sweat:).

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Completely focused on the tears. There’s a compelling fundamental yearning to go to them. Even if my spouse tried to let me take a nap, I couldn’t sleep if he began screaming. Your entire body screams at you to tend to the infant.

Also on contact naps and mum focus. Our brains adapt in response to the babies. Even when I returned to work a year later, it took me some time to regain my previous sharpness.

9

People do not grasp this either. I recall my mother trying to calm my sobbing infant and pushing me away, saying, “You take a break and rest.” It took everything in me to remember that she was attempting to help rather than snatching him away. I can’t sleep when my body feels like it’s on fire.

10

I completely agree with all of this. Babies sleep a lot, but the majority of it is spent on you. When my baby was first born, I was convinced that he would never use his pram. I honestly believed we’d wasted all that money on one! He wouldn’t be put down for even a second, so I assumed we’d never be able to take him on walks. Sleep deprivation undoubtedly contributed to my failure to anticipate that this would alter. But it gives you an idea of how little time you have to do things other than sit and cradle the baby.

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15 minutes at 2.5 months old is honestly pretty good!

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Newborns eat every 2–4 hours. When you have to wake up at night to feed the baby, you have to account for an additional layer of weariness. It’s considerably worse when you’re breastfeeding. That added tiredness makes chores more difficult and tiring. You could definitely wear baby clothes. However, there are occasions when a baby refuses to sleep and takes a long time to relax. By the time they fall asleep, you’d rather take a nap with them than carry them around to do chores. And God forbid they have colic. So I believe the combination of all of these variables makes it difficult to do anything with a newborn around.